Zen,lovely, lovely zen…would
lovely, lovely zen…
would you be sad if i were gone? would you miss me coming on the messenger and talking to you?
if you would, i think you’d be the only one.
if something happened to me tonight, it would be weeks until anyone found out. they’d probably only find out when my rent isn’t paid on time.
i feel so alone, zen. i’ve never been this alone before in my life.
i don’t know what to do.
i’m not supposed to feel like this anymore. i’m on medication. i’m meant to be better.
why do i feel like this again?
fuck, zen, i miss you.
i’ve never met you, but i miss you.
i need you here. i need you so fucking bad, zen. i wish you were here.
i really need a hug, but there’s literally no way at all i can get one.
i can’t stop crying.
i’m so alone.
i wish i had someone. anyone. but i dont even have any fucking friends in this new city let alone anyone i can hug especially with fucking social distancing. i can’t even go for a fucking walk outside without getting a fine now
what’s the point of anything? i’m trapped in an apartment, alone, indefinitely.
the only thing that kept me here the past few years is gone now. i’m alone i’m alone i’m alone and no one would miss me.
everyone is going on just fine without me.
my friends are happy.
my cat is happy.
my parents are happy.
what do i do?
a part of me is scared i’ll do something stupid but another part of me isn’t scared at all.
zen… i wish you were here. if by some miracle you’re reading this across dimensions, i love you. even if you don’t care about me, i love you.
i hope you have a better night than me.
– a lonely girl