A Word about Minimalism to My Newlywed Children

Both of my sons got married last year. I’m over the moon about it, love both of my new daughters-in-law to pieces, and am still enamored (and slightly overwhelmed) that it all happened this way.

As a minimalist, they know my ways. They know how I live, and why I live this way, and thrive. They know I don’t like clutter or excess, but still want to live a fun life. I have my loves and wants satisfied, but within the confines of minimalism.

While I don’t have to tell them a thing about how to live like a minimalist (they know), both of them getting married reminded me of getting married and how much we lived this minimalist way early on as newlyweds. While we were happily “unfunded” for the first few years of our lives, those years were – hands-down – the best years of our lives. We had the least we would ever own, and were extremely happy.

Sure, we wanted a few things; it would’ve been nice not to have been so strapped for cash, but we learned to live without, make do with what we had, and appreciate what we did have. That time was unprecedented. It was the least complicated, the simplest, and ultimately, what I’ve been trying to reattain for the last 25 years.

If my boys were to come to me and ask me how to specifically live a minimalist newlywed life (a mom can dream, yes?), this is what I would tell them. The bonus is that this list stays the same throughout the marriage (and also works for those who aren’t married!) It works for everyone.

My Minimalist Living Advice

You need less than you think.

I know this is true because I thought I needed more money when we were young and poor. Then I got more, and it wasn’t at all what I needed. Sure, it eased the burden of bills and life, but it also complicated our lives. We spend what we earn. The more we make, the more we find ways to get rid of it – especially now, since it’s easier to purchase with the click of a button rather than in-person shopping. It’s as if we just can’t be happy with what we have.

I’ve come full circle, thinking I need more. Now, I’m choosing to live with less (much as we did in the first years of my marriage), and I’m happy. More may satisfy you temporarily, until you need “more” over the last “more.” It’s a never-ending monster. Learn to be happy with less, and you’ll live the richest life ever.

Collections take over.

Collections are fun. It’s a way to fuel a passion, enjoy life, and they aren’t inherently bad. But if you don’t slow that collection, or at least choose one rather than twelve, it will take over, and your children, at the end of your life, will donate, sell, or toss everything you amassed. Just watch American Pickers and find out what happens when collectors over-collect!

I have a vintage Pyrex dishware collection. Over the years, I’ve had many collections from vintage mugs, books, Star Wars, and Disney. It’s a lot (and it’s partly because I’m in the vintage business), but I cut back to one collection, Pyrex, and even that doesn’t have its fingers in my heart. I can sell it in a heartbeat. Collections can take over your house, closets, garages, and attics. Be picky about what you collect now, so it’s manageable for you (and your kids) later.

Go through paperwork daily.

This is an insidious invader. It comes in small amounts and slowly, but it comes in daily. From mail to work papers, family papers, doctors’ papers… all of it begins to accumulate until you have an avalanche of it, in every room of your house. Start a filing system from the start, and learn to throw away daily junk mail – and all other paperwork that comes into the house – from the start. Pay and file bills as soon as possible, or set up online payments, and opt out of paper bills altogether.

Focus on experiences rather than stuff, particularly if children enter the picture.

I saw a video on social media of a mother asking her three children separately if they remembered a single toy they received last Christmas. None of them could remember one. But they could recall – almost immediately – the vacations and trips they took. The stuff is fun, but it’s temporary and fleeting. It also breaks, gets old, and loses its appeal! Vacations and experiences last forever in your memory without taking up critical physical space. Bank on experiences, not stuff.

A bigger house is not always a good idea.

While it’s true you may need to get a slightly larger home as the family grows, it doesn’t necessarily give back the joy you hoped it would give. This, too, was a trap I fell into. Sure, I’ve got more square footage to live in, but now I have more square footage to clean, to pay for, to heat and cool, and closets to fill. I know my kids both want houses in their future, but I tell them to stay as small as possible. In the end, it will save them time and money, and they’ll get to spend that time and money on experiences and vacations instead.

My two boys are smart, good with money, and listen to advice. While they may not ask for my advice directly anymore, we’ve talked enough to them over the years to know they know how to live a life filled more with what really matters: family and friends, and experiences over things. As newlyweds, they don’t need everything to live the perfect life: a roof over their heads, a warm bed, food, and their spouse.

The good life, and I would venture to say the best life, consists of simple things, in the end. Family, friends, experiences, and learning to love what we already have.

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About the Author: Heather Spiva is a freelance writer from Northern California with a penchant for minimalism, vintage clothing, and coffee. When she’s not writing, she’s reading. Her husband and two grown sons are the loves of her life.