Boundless Loving-Kindness

Recently, I had an epiphany while practicing loving-kindness meditation using Tara Brach’s guidance. 

For context, the practice I was using is her “Loving-Kindness for Others” meditation presented in this issue. In this version, you offer phrases of goodwill to three people in your life: someone you love, someone you feel neutral about, and someone you find challenging. The aim of this practice is to gently open your heart, even to people who aren’t always easy to feel loving toward, and this grows your compassion in daily life.

When I sat down to try it, the first two came easily. The third, however, was more difficult. I tend to wish the best for most people I know, even those who aren’t important in my life. But when it comes to those who’ve hurt me, that sentiment comes with a condition: I want the best for them only if they stop causing harm and become better people.

However, during the meditation, I realized that by sending them loving-kindness, I’m not condoning their behavior. I’m wishing for them to be at peace, and true inner peace is not possible if someone is causing harm to themselves and others. So why wouldn’t I want that for them? If they have inner peace, they will naturally operate differently in the world. Real inner peace has a ripple effect. 

By wishing peace for those who have hurt me, I’m expanding my capacity to spread love and compassion in my daily life. This, says Brach, is walking in the path of a bodhisattva, an awakened being. One does not need to be a well-known humanitarian to walk this path. It can begin with caring for those in one’s immediate circle. According to Brach, living as a bodhisattva means fully inhabiting the present moment, because without awareness, we fall back into our unconscious habits, reacting from our fight-or-flight instincts.

To come back to the present moment, Brach suggests an “inner pause.” In Dr. Toni Pressley-Sanon’s profile on Brach—also featured in this issue—she describes this pause as taking three to five long, deep breaths while noticing what is unfolding in the body. It’s similar to the saying “think before you speak,” to avoid getting caught up in reactivity. Even a few seconds of grounding helps in leading from an awake and courageous heart.

This practice is especially important with the polarization in politics leaving people feeling disconnected and fearful of opposing views. In this climate, Brach says that we require “fierce compassion” not to excuse harmful behavior but to have the inner clarity to stand up for the truth, while remaining openhearted to everyone around us.

In the final step of the “Loving-Kindness for Others” practice, Brach invites us to widen the circle of our care in all directions. Our loving-kindness becomes boundless, extending to all beings everywhere, even the earth itself. Ending the meditation this way reminds us of our shared humanity. Compassion isn’t just a personal feeling but a vast, inclusive presence we can carry into the world.