12 Great Reader Comments on Sex

When it comes to sex, we’ve talked about advice, pro tips, support and fun stories. And over the years, we’ve collected some priceless reader comments. Here are some favorites…

On saying what you want:

“I’m part of the majority of women who can’t orgasm from penetration alone. While it doesn’t bother me, some past partners couldn’t understand (due to depictions of sex in films where the couple magically orgasm simultaneously from missionary) and took it very personally, so much so that I felt pressured to fake orgasms when I was younger. Nowadays I say ‘I love intercourse with you and it feels fantastic, but like most women, I can’t orgasm just from penetration. It’s like I can climb 70% of the way up the mountain and the view is still really good, but I need something else to get me to the summit.’ Then I just request that he goes down on me before or after, or uses his hands or a vibrator for clitoral stimulation during intercourse.” — Carol

On putting your partner first:

“As a woman sleeping with women, often one person is pleasuring the other and then we switch, as opposed to simultaneous genital stimulation. You can concentrate on making your partner feel good, focusing on only them without worrying about your own pleasure. Then when it’s your turn, you get to feel worshiped. It’s a great system.” — Jenna

On the magic of toys:

“I got my first vibrator years ago thanks to a CoJ post and it literally changed my life. At 40, I had never (NEVER) had an orgasm, by myself or with a partner, and now I do 99% of the time. I learned how to have one with or without toys. If you are reading this and considering getting one, please try! And thanks to Joanna for these important, life-changing conversations!” — Sarah

“A fun thing my partner and I have done is give each other a ‘sex stocking’ for Christmas. We fill each other’s stockings with things like truth-or-dare games, lube, massage oils, lingerie and a few new toys. It’s silly and sexy and encourages our exploration of each other. The stockings always include a gadget that we’ve been curious about and presenting this way makes it fun and not taboo. Needless to say, I always look forward to the holidays.” — Dean

On turn-ons:

“In college, my boyfriend was sitting across the room, reading a newspaper with his legs crossed, but crossed the way you’d typically associate with a woman. My friend leaned in to me and said, ‘Look at him. Look how he’s sitting. He’s so sexy.’ I was floored, but she was right. Eighteen years and three children later, he never feels the need to perform masculinity. That security is sexier than a manspread any day.” — Mimi

“When my beautiful wife:
— wears an outfit that I can tell she feels good in/enjoyed styling
— wraps her hair in a towel-twist after washing it
— is already in bed, and then I get in bed, and she’s SO WARM
— reflexively gives me her hand to hold onto if we’re going down a steep step
— gets a much deeper tan on her legs than the rest of her body in summer
She’s also tall (which I find crazy crazy hot) and I just can’t get enough of her.” — Chiara

On feeling sexy:

“After an oophorectomy and anti-depressants, my sex drive was non-existent. I asked my gyno what to do and she asked me what some of my favorite activities were — I immediately said reading. So, she suggested reading erotic fiction by Anais Nin. Boom! I won’t say I’m all the way back yet, but it’s coming (!) slowly.” — Bobby

“Read some romantic novels. I started with the Bridgerton books in 2021 after seeing the series and have since read 80 romantic novels, which are PERFECT for the time we’re living in. They are kind of ridiculous, some are comical, all are hot, AND every story ends in happily ever after. I would start with Julia Quinn and then move on to Lisa Kleypas, whom I love. I used to look down upon romance novels and can’t believe I wasted so much time thinking everything I read had to be openly intellectual or self-improving (I was actually surprised how much historical information and research goes into these, btw!).” — Erika

“I would highly recommend investing the time and resources in finding some clothes you love that fit! I thought I was unhappy because of the way my body had changed, when in fact I was really just physically and socially uncomfortable because my pants were too tight. Your body is great the way it is, it will change over the course of your life, and you are worthy of looking and feeling good no matter your size.” — Arianne

On rewriting the pleasure narrative:

“I understand the desire for a healthy sex drive. But I also think it’s okay to give ourselves permission to not want sex as often as we think we should. I was getting pretty down on myself for wanting sex only around the time I’m ovulating, and I felt ashamed because it didn’t seem like enough. Then it dawned on me how incredibly natural and normal that is. Maybe that’s how female animals are in the wild! I started embracing my natural rhythm, and now I no longer feel like there is anything wrong with me.” — C.S.

“I’m demisexual, so I don’t experience sexual attraction to someone until we’ve formed a deep emotional connection. And even then, sometimes no dice! I still experience visual attraction (forearms and rolled shirt cuffs, a nice smile, floppy hair) and emotional attraction (kindness, humor, intelligence), but those things never make me want to *have sex* with the person. It’s so interesting how we relate these attractions with the language ‘turn-ons,’ which is a language of sex, but the attractions themselves are not usually sexual at all. It’s a semantics tangle I’d like to poke at!” — R.S.

On a funny (but spot-on) realization:

“Sometimes, when you’re in a relationship, sex is like a steak dinner. Other times it’s a hot dog. Both can be be delicious.” — Natalie

What would you add? We’d love to hear…

P.S. 12 more reader comments on sex and first kiss stories.

(Photo by Lucas Ottone/Stocksy.)