Cancel Your Chaos

A couple of weeks ago, the season and all of its activities arrived at a fever pitch in my life. Autumn happens to be my favorite time of the year, with its changing leaves and cooler nights. It’s the perfect time to create a cozier home to sustain the coming winter. But the events in my life were getting to me.

It wasn’t just the busyness, the activities, work, and birthday celebrations that were keeping me so preoccupied; two larger events – the passing of my beloved aunt and the engagement of my youngest son – also swooped in and perched on my shoulders, expecting me to keep going as though they hadn’t landed on me.

I remember sitting down one afternoon and contemplating the following week’s schedule. Trying to keep my head from rolling off my head, I scrolled through my to-do list, what needed to get done, the dates and appointments I was supposed to keep, and made a decision: I was going to cancel.

Yep. I could either flounder with all the events or flourish with fewer. I opted for the latter. And it changed the outlook of my circumstances.

I canceled not one but two different doctors’ appointments (I rescheduled them for later), I decided to forgo the gym for a few days (work out at home), I rescheduled a lunch date, combined my errands, and crossed off things to do on my to-do list that didn’t need to get done for the next few weeks. All of this lessened my burden, so I could instead more fully concentrate on the important things.

I canceled my chaotic future so I could live more presently in the one I wanted.

In doing this, I added back thinking and breathing into my life. Pretty life-sustaining stuff, this thinking and breathing, and yet I treat it like I can function without it! Multitasking sounds impressive, but it really isn’t because it means most everything I’m doing is getting a partial commitment from me. How stupid is that? I’m rushed from event to event, rather than choosing to commit to one event that means the most to me, where I am fully present. When I choose less, my brain goes back to thriving and not existing on autopilot.

If you’re in a place like I was, you can do more with fewer events by:

Letting go of lunches and coffee dates.

These are super important to me, and I have friends I love and cherish, where lunch and coffee dates are the only way we see each other. But what I can do is enjoy them less frequently. If you meet up monthly, try doing it every other month instead. Lessen the frequency, but keep the dates. Friends are vital to thriving, so I’m not suggesting to forgo a social life but instead to lessen the visits. Make the visits fewer, but really make them count.

Choose online instead of in-person.

The ability for us to use technology for our benefit is out of this world these days. Instead of going into a doctor’s office for a needed visit, you can often schedule virtual visits. Instead of going to class at a gym, you can opt for an online class. You can swap being there in person for your virtual self when the schedule gets too full. You’re still getting your needs met, but in a way that doesn’t wreak havoc on your body and mind.

Do less instead of more.

Sounds pretty redundant, but there’s a great reminder in there. We don’t have to keep doing the things that are in our schedule, whether we schedule them or others do. I’m going to be as simple as I possibly can: You are allowed to do less, do it well, and you will be better off for it.

I often have two days a week that I choose to run errands. Some weeks, I choose to do those errands on one day, so it frees up the other day entirely. You don’t have to keep things going, keep things the same, keep things as full, busy, overflowing, and hectic as possible to be an accomplished human being.

It’s easy to assume that when things get busy, we have to keep things busy. And there will be times when things are busy and we can’t cancel a thing. But usually, there are options; it’s usually all our choice, and in the end, I’d rather have my family as a priority than all the ins and outs and details of life that crowd in to take the literal life away from me.

When times become too chaotic, pick the important things: the family events, the milestone achievements; be around the people you love more than the people you can live without. That will always be more valuable and ultimately what feeds your heart, soul, and mind.

Do you want to live a life dictated to you for its entirety or one you intentionally choose? Learn to say no, learn to cancel your plans, learn to do less, and find the breathing room you were meant to have as the winter holidays settle in.

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About the Author: Heather Spiva is a freelance writer from Northern California with a penchant for minimalism, vintage clothing, and coffee. When she’s not writing, she’s reading. Her husband and two grown sons are the loves of her life.