Feeling Lost or Miserable? Your Heart Knows the Way Through

“Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray.” ~Rumi

My tear-stained face stared back at me in the mirror. Every Sunday evening was the same. I was overcome with the dread of having to get up the next morning and go to a job that, while good on paper, was slowly sucking my soul. I was twenty-seven years old, and I was completely lost, spending my days doing work that didn’t light me up in any way or form.

Until I was twenty-five, I had mostly followed my heart in life, doing things I loved that came easily to me—namely, a degree in Spanish and Portuguese, followed by a job teaching English in Japan for three years.

At the age of twenty-six, I decided I needed to do something “more useful” than teaching languages, so I got a master’s degree in a business-related subject and landed myself the aforementioned soul-sucking corporate job.

This was the first time I’d followed my head instead of my heart in life, and due to my deeply sensitive nature, it caused me a level of existential pain and darkness I’d never even imagined before.

There was nothing wrong with the job itself: the people were (mostly) lovely, there were lots of fun, young folks, and we had a lively social life on the weekends. But getting up for work every morning with deep, whole-body dread for the day ahead and spending most of the day feeling like a fish out of water at the office were loud-and-clear messages that I was living out of alignment with my true self.

However, the job was extremely sought-after and well-paid; I’d worked hard to get there, using most of my savings to pay for business school; and I could see no alternative career option for myself in the near future. I couldn’t just leave without a plan B. I felt completely stuck and deeply miserable.

My Heart Knew the Way Out of the Darkness

Luckily, my heart kept nudging me to find things that I loved to do, so I tried a variety of different activities, even if just to make me feel better.

I knew exercise would help relieve the stress of my new job, so in the first months, I’d go for a 7 a.m. swim at the local pool, a few days a week, before I went to the office. It was an effort, but it boosted my mood and helped me start the day with a positive attitude.

The job had meant a move to Swindon, a town far away from all my family and friends, so I joined a local women’s football team (soccer, for those of you in North America) to meet people outside of work. The training sessions gave me something to look forward to in the evenings.

Now, I’m no great shakes as a footballer (understatement!), but running up and down a muddy footy pitch chasing after the ball on Sunday mornings with my teammates, come rain or shine, was just the tonic I needed to get me out of my slump.

When an opportunity came up to take part in the London Marathon with a charity through work, I signed up immediately because I’ve always loved running and it had been a dream of mine since childhood to do the London Marathon.

I trained with two guys from the office week after week in all weathers, and the endorphins, the camaraderie, and my improved fitness soon helped me to feel more like my cheery self again.

These physical activities all got me out of my head and back into my body. They helped me make friends, and they uplifted me and silenced my negative mental chatter, turning my thoughts to more positive ones, which brightened my mood and my general outlook on life.

The Importance of Dreaming Big

During my first year in the job, in the depths of my what-the-eff-am-I-doing-here crisis, I met a woman who had been chosen to represent the company on a trip to The Gambia in West Africa. (Our company chose one person each year to visit its charity projects in developing countries.)

When I asked her how she’d managed to get picked out of the 12,000-strong workforce, she told me, “You’d be surprised, Louisa. Most people think they won’t get chosen, so they don’t even apply.”

There and then, I felt the spark of possibility ignite in me. I vowed I would apply to represent the company on its charity trip the next year, which turned out to be to Tamil Nadu in southern India.

India had always had a special place in my heart, and I’d always wanted to visit the country with a meaningful reason for being there, not just as a tourist.

Reader, I was picked! It was the trip of a lifetime and the realization of a dream I’d had since my teenage years. I participated in community groups in inner city slums and remote villages, visited water projects, helped build toilets, and generally learned about the charity’s work in the region.

Back in Swindon, I still didn’t love my job, and that Sunday night dread cycle never completely disappeared, but slowly but surely, my feelings toward the company I was working for turned to gratitude and appreciation.

I had chosen this job because it was a large, international company, in the hope that I’d eventually get to travel or work abroad and use my languages. My chances seemed pretty slim, as I was the world’s worst business analyst, and I still hadn’t kicked the fish-out-of-water feeling of being a linguist masquerading as a businessperson.

But languages open doors that might otherwise remain closed, and after eighteen months of living and working in Swindon (with the sole—and wonderful—exception of my India trip), I finally got transferred to the international division, which meant six months in Paris followed by a two-year move to beautiful Madrid.

I was now living in Spain, a country I loved, and using my language skills, but I knew I needed to escape the corporate world and find more fulfilling work that I was actually half-decent at.

Be Clear on What You Want and the Path Will Appear

The longer I worked in that job, the clearer one thing became to me—that it was of vital importance to me to find work I loved. The anguish of spending day after day doing work that was so far removed from my “zone of genius and joy” brought great clarity on that front, if nothing else.

After I switched to the international division of the company, I spent plenty of time alone on flights and in hotel rooms in foreign cities, which was perfect for daydreaming up my next move. I started to make plans, and after two years in Madrid, I finally made my escape from the corporate world.

I had no clear roadmap of what lay ahead, but I knew I had to follow my joy rather than be miserable doing work I didn’t love. I enrolled at a Spanish university and did postgraduate studies in subjects I was passionate about: Hispanic literature and teaching Spanish as a foreign language.

In the third year of my postgrad studies, I found work teaching English at a Spanish university. Through the university, I fell into work as a freelancer, translating psychology articles for various university clients and academic journals, which I continue to do and love today. I also started bringing together my passion for writing, positive psychology, and languages to write self-led learning materials for language magazines and online publications.

It’s been a meandering path, but my work has become more deeply fulfilling as the years have gone on. Recently, I’ve seen a dip in my main work, psychology translations, due to the improvements in translation technology. But twenty years of following my heart, not my head, have shown me that the path always appears, even when the future seems uncertain.

I am staying focused on what I love and what I’m good at, and I am trusting the path will appear, as it always has. And I’m going to answer the following two questions in my journal to gain even more clarity on my heart’s desires going forward. Care to do this with me, dear reader?

Question 1: Are you clear on what you want?

Grab a pen and paper and jot down all the “impossible” dreams you’ve ever had. (They can be in any life area: work, love, family, travel, skills, fun, health, creativity, etc.) What does your heart truly desire?

Now, just allow yourself to daydream a little. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it were possible for you to do some of those things, perhaps in the not-too-distant future, and maybe even all of them eventually?

You may not know how they might possibly come to fruition, but if you don’t even allow yourself to daydream about the things that light you up, you can be sure as anything they won’t appear in your reality.

Every great thing that was ever created once started off as an idea or a daydream, so don’t underestimate the importance of spending time on this.

What tiny steps can you take in the direction of those big dreams? Can you take up a new hobby or volunteer in a different field? Sometimes just the satisfaction you get from taking action in the right direction can change your mood, and perhaps it will even open a door to a future opportunity you never thought possible.

Question 2: Are you being the you-est you possible?

Ever wondered what makes you you? Write down the answers to these questions, allowing your pen to write freely and express what your heart knows is true, even if you haven’t allowed yourself to reflect on these things for years (or perhaps even decades).

What makes you come alive? What makes your heart sing? What could you do until the cows come home, even if no one paid you for it?

If these questions are hard for you to answer, think back to your childhood self and who you were before adult obligations started to weigh you down and tell you who you should be. Journal on these things until you remember what it is you love and how you’re meant to be showing up in the world.

Go Forth and Shine Your Unique Light

Now go out there and be the you-est you possible, my darling. Follow your heart and allow the essence of you to shine through in your daily life, in big and little ways.

Life is a precious gift, and we’re not here for very long. So take baby steps each day (or each week) to do more of what lights you up, and you will light up the world around you in ways you previously only dreamed of.

Your heart knows the way, dear one. Get still and listen, then be sure to follow its whisperings.

Now, what’s one step you can commit to doing this week to follow your heart and do more of what you love in life?

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