From Comparison to Contentment

I once heard someone say, “There is no win in comparison.”

And it’s true. It’s the whole “comparison is a thief” argument. When we compare what we have to what others have and what we think we should have, it pushes us into an emotional downward spiral. And it’s brutal.

I’ve been on this spiral before, and sometimes, I still find myself on it. It goes from seeing what someone else has, to wanting that thing, to wondering why I shouldn’t have it, to whining to God about why I don’t have it, to turning it into a full-blown temper tantrum (in my mind). When I realize I sound like a spoiled three-year-old, I’m reminded I still have room to work on myself, particularly my heart.

There is no win in comparison.

Wanting what I don’t have, or comparing my surroundings and possessions to my neighbor’s surroundings and possessions, is chasing after the wind, just as the writer of Ecclesiastes says (King Solomon) in the Bible. He even says chasing after the wind is a poor decision. He says it’s better to have less of something good than more of something you worked way too hard over.

When I allow others’ “haves” to drive me to that point of feeling left out, forgotten, abandoned, or some other dramatic feeling, I find myself wishing I’d never seen that object of desire.

So, how do we learn to be content with what’s given to us? How do we stave off the “must-haves” in favor of the “what I do haves?” I’ve learned to combat the comparison conundrum when it rears its tenacious head through understanding what contentment looks like.

Everyone is on a Different Time Schedule – What’s good for your neighbor now may not be the right timing for you. We all get different things at different times, and whether we like it or not, something we think is good for us now may not be. I remember wanting a house that was a bit bigger than what we had years ago. Yet, the timing for this house, though I wanted it so badly, was so off. We needed to save up for a larger down payment, we needed to wait for the market to turn right-side up, and we needed to have a plan for paying for that larger home. After a few years of waiting, I finally got that house, even though I watched countless friends and family move up or buy brand-new homes. It was hard to wait, but that bigger home was waiting for me when the time was right.

We Have So Much – Contentment comes when we choose it. It doesn’t fall on us by accident, or find a way into our hearts if we think about it enough. It happens by doing, and when we act on it (stop buying things, appreciate what we own, shop our closet), that’s when it wiggles its way into our being. Contentment is always hard won, because it feels innate to want more or want what we don’t have. But once we learn to acquire contentment through our actions and remind ourselves that we need far less than we think, it changes everything.

We Don’t Get to Have Everything We See – Does this sound like something a mom would say to her toddler? Well good. This is a little reminder that even though we can get almost anything we want to purchase at any time of the day, it doesn’t mean we should get it. Interested in comparing your life to the Joneses? That makes sure to always wish you had what they had, always buy what they have, and never be satisfied. Not everything we see is for us.

What Do You Have That Others Want? – There’s a meme running around that says something to the effect of “What you have right now is someone else’s dream.” We all have so much! We have food, we have a roof over our heads, and clothes to wear. No matter how little we have, I can guarantee someone else out there wishes they had what you have right now. You have a lot. I have a lot. We already have what others want. Find your blessings and appreciate them.

Stay Grateful – The biggest and best way to stay out of the comparison trap is simple: stay grateful. Truly look around at your lifestyle… is it not more than you ever thought it could be? When we are thankful for every little thing, those little things become big things. I’m thankful for my garden because it’s a way to slow down my life. I’m grateful for electricity and water. We just had a power outage last week, and our water had to be shut off due to an emergency the following week. When both were restored, it reminded me how good I have it.

When you remember you have all these ways to fall back on contentment, should the envy or comparison thief pop up, you can kick that ugly coveting swindler to the curb with these ideas.

By staying grateful, remembering what you have, knowing you don’t need everything you see, staying aware that we have so much and that timing in getting certain things is different for us all, our hearts shift from comparing ourselves with others to feeling overwhelmed with contentment.

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About the Author: Heather Spiva is a freelance writer from Northern California with a penchant for minimalism, vintage clothing, and coffee. When she’s not writing, she’s reading. Her husband and two grown sons are the loves of her life.