How To Cope With Feelings Of Emptiness & When To Seek Help, From Therapists

The word “empty” may imply that this is just a feeling of nothingness. However, it goes beyond just a lack of feeling.

A 2021 study1 of people with bipolar disorder dealing with feelings of “chronic emptiness” found it was largely experienced as “a feeling of disconnection from both self and others, and a sense of numbness and nothingness which was frequent and reduced functional capacity.”

The researchers also found the feeling of emptiness were closely associated with feelings of purposelessness and unfulfillment, and most people in the study found the feelings to be “distressing.”

That impact on your daily life is what mental health professionals are concerned about. Although it’s common to feel empty from time to time, it is not a pleasant experience and can negatively affect how you live your life. There may be cause for concern if this feeling of emptiness, paired with lack of motivation or enthusiasm for life, is persistent across many or all parts of your life.

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1.

You just experienced trauma.

A recent experience of trauma can lead to feelings of emptiness, according to Steph Tuazon, LCSW, a licensed therapist who specializes in trauma work.

“A traumatic experience is an experience that threatens safety, sense of self, and causes lasting distress. After a traumatic experience, whether a recent event or a retriggering event reminding you of an event from the past, it can lead to feeling empty,” she explains.

Studies have shown that trauma can be stored in your body, so feeling physically empty might be your body’s way of telling you that it needs protection. 

2.

You use numbing or disconnection as coping mechanisms.

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3.

You’re experiencing burnout.

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4.

You’re emotionally overwhelmed.

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“When we are physically, emotionally, and energetically depleted, we naturally will have difficulty feeling like ourselves and have minimal capacity for the responsibilities in our lives,” Tuazon says.

This is why self care through sleep, especially during times of distress, is crucial to well-being. When our bodies are depleted, they cannot help sustain us through navigating our lives. 

6.

You’re unhappy with where you are in life. 

Living with emptiness can look like just going through the motions. You have a to-do list, you do what needs to get done, but at the end of the day, you have felt no joy, fulfillment, or gratitude from anything you’ve done. 

Since everyone’s experience with emptiness is different, it’s worth noticing your specific experience by asking:

Persistent feelings of emptiness may be cause for concern. “Emptiness can be a tell-tale sign that your needs and wants aren't being met,” licensed professional counselor Shani Tran, LPCC. “The first thing is to ask yourself is ‘Am I advocating for my needs and wants?’”

Your needs might not be met in more than one area of your life, including work, your marriage, your friendships, or your relationship with yourself. 

Feeling tired can be just the physical feeling that you need more sleep. It can also be your body’s reaction to a highly emotional or stressful situation, or your body’s signal that you need to take a few moments to refresh. Feeling tired can also be caused by rumination.

If you’re holding on to negative thoughts or situations and repeating them in your mind, you may be exhausting yourself. Just as our bodies need a physical refresh with sleep, your mind and emotional body may need to refresh with a spark of joy or happiness.

If you have negative feelings or feelings of emptiness after sex, you’re not the only one. This experience is known as post-coital dysphoria, and it can present as feeling empty after sex. 

"Postcoital dysphoria (PCD) is the experience of negative affect following otherwise satisfactory sexual intercourse," a team of researchers explained in a 2011 study published in the International Journal of Sexual Health. “Individuals who experience PCD may express their immediate feelings after sexual intercourse in terms of melancholy, tearfulness, anxiety, irritability, or psychomotor agitation."

Due to pleasurable highs and post-coital lows, some people may have feelings of emptiness to cope with the extremes in emotion. There may also be underlying relationship issues, or past experiences of trauma, that are surfacing in response to the heightened intimacy experienced during sex. 

Depression is a clinical diagnosis that requires a licensed professional to test for. It’s important to note that depression isn’t just one thing. It’s not just immense feelings of sadness or emptiness. There are many factors that professionals consider before providing a final diagnosis.

“Feeling empty alone does not automatically mean it is depression,” says board-certified psychiatrist Pia Quimson-Guevarra, D.O. “However, if you feel empty along with other symptoms such as having a sad or depressed mood, feelings of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt, decreased interest or pleasure in activities, weight changes, fatigue, concentration difficulties, sleeping difficulties, subjective feelings of moving or thinking slower or faster, or thoughts of death or suicide, it could be depression.”

If you suspect you may be dealing with depression, consider finding a therapist who can support you in managing your symptoms. If you are considering harming yourself or someone else, call 9-8-8 (in the U.S.) to be connected with confidential support from the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline or text HOME to 741741 to get connected to Crisis Text Line.

2.

Get familiar with your emotions.

There are many reasons why you may become disconnected from your emotions such as experiencing trauma, not yet having the right tools for emotional processing, and possibly being emotionally unavailable.

But the more familiar you can get with your emotions, the more accurately you can identify what is causing your feelings of emptiness. For example, getting really specific about how anxiety shows up in your body: This can feel like churning in your stomach followed by shortness of breath, which leads to feelings of overwhelm, then emptiness. Knowing these signals can help you have a deeper understanding of your emotions.

5.

Build structure around what brings you joy.

Aiming to improve on adding more joy and happiness first takes realization of what joy and happiness means for you, and this may take a bit of work.

Tuazon recommends starting small–even if it’s engaging in something that brings you joy for just 30 seconds–and then building up the practice and staying accountable to it. 

“Accountability in this sense means being intentional about creating this structure daily versus based only on feeling or convenience,” she explains. 

7.

Give yourself grace if healing doesn’t look perfect. 

Sometimes you are taking action for yourself, but it doesn’t feel like it’s helping you make meaningful progress. You still feel like your feelings of emptiness are impacting the way you live and negatively affecting your work, home, and relationships.

The biggest sign that it’s time to seek help is if your feelings of emptiness are debilitating, causing you to not perform at work, neglect tasks at home, and turn away from your relationships. 

The good news is that you don’t have to keep moving forward alone. Resources are available. Reaching out to a licensed professional can help get you past chronic feelings of emptiness. A therapist can serve as your guide to get you unstuck and moving forward.