Kerry Washington Reveals She Suffered From an Eating Disorder and Suicide Ideation

Kerry Washington is opening up like never before about the ups and downs in her life. In an upcoming interview with Good Morning America's Robin Roberts on ABC, the Scandal star discusses her new memoir, Thicker Than Water.

"I've never wanted to share my private life for the sake of fame or for the sake of attention," Washington tells Roberts in a preview of their sit-down talk. "But I feel like this sharing is with purpose." 

In her book, Washington reveals that during her time in college, she secretly suffered from an eating disorder which led to starvation, binge eating, obsession with her body and compulsive exercise.

The 46-year-old actress recounts being able to hide and mask her eating disorder by still showing up and being successful, especially when it came to balancing partying and good grades. 

"I was good at performing perfect," the actress admits. "I was good at control. I could party all night and drink and smoke and have sex, and still show up the next day and have good grades."

She adds, "I knew how to manage. I was so high-functioning and the food took me out. Like, the body dysmorphia, the body hatred, it was beyond my control. And really lead me to feeling like I need help from somebody or something bigger than me or I am in trouble. Because I don't know how to live with this and I could feel how the abuse was a way to hurt myself, as if I didn't want to really be here and it scared me that I could not want to be here, because I was in so much pain."

When asked if she had thoughts of suicidal ideation, Washington replies, "Yeah, yeah the behavior was tiny little acts of trying to destroy myself." 

Washington shares that there was a point where she fell to her knees to pray because the eating disorder and suicidal ideations were becoming too much. 

"The first thing that put me on my knees, the first time that I actually got on my knees and prayed to some power greater than myself to say, 'I can't do this, I need some help' was with my eating disorder," she recalls.

Today, the mother-of-two says that she has healthier habits and has learned to properly manage her thoughts when it comes to her relationship with food. 

"I wouldn't say that I never act out with food," she tells Roberts. "It's just very different now. It's not to the extreme. There are no suicidal ideation, that's not where I am anymore. The bottom has gotten a lot higher, where just like a little discomfort with it is enough for me to know this is a way to check myself. But it definitely looks a lot healthier, it's a lot easier, it's a lot saner than it used to be." 

In March, the Django Unchained actress announced the release of Thicker Than Water. 

"Still trying to grasp how I feel about this cover being out in the world. I am sooooooooo EXCITED for you all to see it. And I’m GRATEFUL to all of you who have expressed interest in reading this book that I poured so much of my heart into," she wrote at the time. "And I am INSPIRED by the artist @reishaperlmutter for all the time and work she put into this cover to make it as magical as it is. Looking at this cover makes me feel TERRIFIED, OVERJOYED, HOPEFUL, PROUD, and all the things. I hope you it makes you feel something too."

Washington's interview with Robin Roberts airs Sunday at 10 p.m. on ABC. Thicker Than Water will be released everywhere books are sold on Sept. 26.

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