When someone asks you a loaded question, use Gloria Steinem's powerful trick to reject their 'unfair framing,' says expert
Communication expert Dorie Clark calls it the "word trade" strategy. You can push back "without seeming defensive," she says. Here's how.
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It's easy to feel trapped by a loaded question. You're on the spot and someone's waiting for your answer — but you disagree with the premise of what they're asking and feel the question is designed to make you look bad.
You might feel tempted to answer anyway, and hope that your response will sway people to your point of view. But there's a better technique, and it's one that the late feminist icon Gloria Steinem used effectively in a memorable appearance on NBC's "Meet the Press."
"Miss Steinem, I think we would all agree with you that the women's movement has made greater progress in the last year or two than in the 50 years since women got the vote," journalist Shana Alexander began on a 1972 episode.
Then she asked: "But since it is a militant movement, I'd like to ask you — as you see it, who is the enemy now?"
What was in Gloria Steinem's answer
Steinem refused to take the bait, and the way she approached her response contains a simple but powerful lesson.
"Well, I wouldn't call it a 'militant movement,' because 'militant' connotes violence," Steinem said. "I would more likely call the Pentagon a 'militant movement.'" She also disputed the word "enemy," saying that she preferred to think about "adversaries" who were "those individuals who have usurped control of our lives."
I taught communication for more than a decade at Columbia Business School and Duke University's Fuqua School of Business, and Steinem was using a technique I called the "word trade."
She rejected both "militant" and "enemy" as inaccurate words and chose her own framing instead. She realized that if she accepted the premise of the question, it would solidify an erroneous impression, so she wanted to correct the record up front.
How to use the 'word trade' strategy
You can use the same strategy in your own life anytime someone asks you a question using terminology you disagree with.
Before you answer, choose a word or phrase that you think is more accurate and explain why you've made the substitution. Adding this step allows you to push back against their unfair framing without seeming defensive.
Here's what it might sound like:
Imagine someone asks you: "Now that your project has stalled, what's the plan to get it back on track?" You can say: "I wouldn't say 'stalled' — we strategically chose to move the date so we could get the security review done, which was essential. Here's where we are." Similarly, they might ask: "How are we going to make up the missing revenue, now that you lost the account?" You can reframe their gibe and say something like: "We didn't 'lose' the account; we chose not to renew with the unfair terms they were demanding. Here's our strategy for increasing revenue in other ways." Or someone might demand to know: "Why were you so quiet in that client meeting?" You can let them know: "I don't think 'quiet' is the right word. I was listening carefully, because they were opening up about what they need. I wanted to give them space to share their thoughts, so that we know where we really stand and can take the right next steps to retain their business."People will often try to put words in your mouth and ask questions in biased ways. But with the "word trade," you can push back just like Gloria Steinem did to ensure you're communicating with the nuance the situation deserves.
Dorie Clark taught executive education for more than a decade at Columbia Business School and Duke University's Fuqua School of Business. She is a keynote speaker, former presidential campaign spokeswoman, and bestselling author of "The Long Game." You can subscribe to her e-newsletter here.
