A 12-Minute Meditation for Navigating Grief Anniversaries

This week, Elaine Smookler invites us into a practice that gently supports us in honoring and processing our feelings during these tender times.

By Elaine Smookler June 3, 2024 Calm

Grief anniversaries often bring a resurgence of emotions and memories, some of which can be painful and difficult to manage. This meditation creates a compassionate space where you can acknowledge these feelings without judgment, fostering a sense of acceptance and self-compassion.

During this conversational practice, I’ll guide you to just be with what comes up, to allow your thoughts and emotions to rise and fall naturally. This imagery can help you to observe your feelings without becoming overwhelmed by them. I encourage you to treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend.

Expect to find a sense of release as you let go of guilt, regrets, and self-criticism. This meditation emphasizes that grief is a natural and essential part of life’s journey, and it’s okay to feel what you feel. By embracing your emotions with compassion, you can find moments of peace and healing. Through this meditation, I’ll offer tips to help you honor your emotions, treat yourself with kindness, and find a compassionate way to navigate through your grief. Let this be a time to connect deeply with yourself, offering comfort and solace, and emerging with a renewed sense of peace and understanding.

A Guided Meditation for Navigating Grief Anniversaries

1. Practice real, deep-down self-compassion. When we turn towards ourselves with the deep understanding that comes from having been there for every moment of our own movie, we help calm the threat response that wants to defend against more hurt. 

2. Remember: If we choose to be awake to life, we will see that pain and loss are part of what’s on the menu and can’t be dodged. It is totally not a problem—it’s just reality.

3. Try these tips when significant dates, difficult memories, or resurfacing grief makes you feel like dog vomit:

Ground control to Major Tom! It’s kind of a scary feeling to be all alone in suffering. Notice how it feels if you can offer yourself some real old-timey kindness—which might include saying to yourself, “Hey buddy, this hurts like a sonofabee! It’s OK, I gotcha!” See what you notice if you outrageously remind yourself that this really is hard, it’s not your imagination. What happens if you cut yourself some slack? Chemistry 101. We are not only made of Funyuns (trademark sign). Beyond those delicious onion flavored rings, or maybe because of them, you are ruled by chemistry. When you offer yourself affectionate physical touch, your body barks like a happy puppy. Go ahead, give yourself a little lovin’ to help release the ooey-gooey goodness of oxytocin, sometimes known as the bonding chemical. You can do this by giving yourself a hug or an arm squeeze. You can place a comforting hand on your upper chest or cradle your face. Do some experimenting and see if making a positive physical connection with yourself helps you feel a little less like you want to jump out of your own skin. Thought-watching. Stay awake to the thoughts that have “Hell-ride” tattooed on them. Those thoughts will convincingly remind you that your pathetic inability to control everything, especially bad things, is obviously a personal failing. Loser. News flash #2—not all thoughts are facts. Even the ones that tell you they are.

Thank you for listening and practicing with me today. I hope these tips give you comfort when you are facing a tough day full of big memories.

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