An Age-By-Age Guide to Helping Kids Build Executive Function

We usually hear about executive functioning skills in the context of mitigating the executive dysfunction experienced by many adolescents and adults. But executive function doesn’t just crop up in young adulthood to menace young adulting efforts. They are skills that we can use and practice from babyhood.

In The Emotionally Intelligent Child, educator Rachael Katz and researcher Helen Shwe Hadani include tips for parents to help children of all ages develop their executive functioning skills through choice, agency, free play, pretend play, planning, and reflection.

What is executive function?

Executive function (EF) is a set of cognitive skills that help control behavior, inhibition or self-control, cognitive flexibility, working memory, and focus or attention. Here’s more from Katz and Hadani about each EF component:

Inhibition or self-control: Your child uses this skill when they are able to control their first impulse to do something harmful. By resisting the urge to hit, snatch, or otherwise act negatively, they can mindfully choose a more productive action.Cognitive flexibility: This is a child’s ability to “think outside the box.” They can creatively solve problems by using unconventional materials or navigating shifting social relationships.Working memory: These are the bits of information we hold at the front of our minds to quickly and easily access. Working memory helps children follow a plan and connect unrelated ideas to come up with new ideas.Focus or attention: Focus helps us ignore distractions to stay on task and accomplish a goal.

“EF helps us plan and prioritize tasks to balance workflow, think about the role that others will play to complete tasks, and set and achieve goals. We are required to use EF skills in almost everything we do—when learning, interacting with others, doing something time-bound, and more,” wrote Katz and Hadani.

Start noticing when you or your child struggle: Is there a particular EF skill in play? When things go well, what EF skills are working for you and how can you acknowledge it?

Remember that even if children are too young to use certain skills, it’s never too early for you to model those skills. Children learn by watching, listening, and imitating what they see and hear, Katz and Hadani wrote.

How to support executive functioning at different stages

Infants

Provide choice and give them agency. Offer two options of food, toys, books, clothing, etc. Let them point at or reach for their choice.Encourage free play and pretend play. Notice what your baby is curious about and support their attempts to physically access items they reach for.Help them plan and reflect. Narrate when they achieve a goal like crawling to reach a toy or pulling up on furniture.

Toddlers

Provide choice and give them agency. Let them participate in family decisions, like what movie to watch or what animals to visit first at the zoo.Encourage free play and pretend play. Give them props for pretend play like dolls, costumes, houses, and figures. Narrate their play.Help them plan and reflect. Give them a chance to come up with a simple plan, like deciding what to do in the last five minutes at the playground or deciding which direction to walk around the block.

Preschoolers

Provide choice and give them agency. Give them craft materials or building materials like LEGO or blocks and give them free rein to create what they want.Encourage free play and pretend play. Avoid over-scheduling with lessons and sports. Let them create their own play scenarios.Help them plan and reflect. Have them state an objective, like building a monster out of blocks. Help them work out the details of their plan like what parts they want to build and what materials to use.

School-age children

Provide choice and give them agency. By this point children have developed some clear personal interests. Support their interests and agency by watching videos, reading books, and engaging in play and creativity related to those interests.Encourage free play and pretend play. Continue supporting pretend play and child-directed free plan.Help them plan and reflect. When your child has finished a project, talk to them about what went well and what could have gone better.