For a fresh start, forget New Year’s resolutions: ‘There is a better way'—this practical 3-step plan can turn 'wishes into reality'

The New Year often brings with it visions of a clean slate — an energizing opportunity to start living our best lives. Thanks to what behavioral economists call the "fresh start effect," this time of year leaves many of us feeling extra optimistic about making real, meaningful changes. 

Come January 1, we imagine we'll be ready to tackle those to-do lists, hit our goals, and become the ideal selves we've always imagined we could be. Hence the resolutions, diets, and exercise plans.

And yet, despite our best intentions, many of us struggle to see New Year's resolutions through. There's often a gap between our ambitions and our reality. 

We bite off more than we can chew. We don't realize until we're well on our way that we lack the time, energy, skills, equipment, or support to achieve the goals we've set. Or maybe we've just signed ourselves up for too many all at once. 

It might be that we pick the wrong goals to begin with — goals we think we ought to pursue rather than ones we truly feel motivated to achieve. 

Regardless, there is a better way. 

The Life Audit is a desire-based system that gets to the core of what you really, truly want from life — not what you think you should do, but what you really want to do. 

A Life Audit is an exercise in self-reflection that helps you uncover your core values and deepest desires. 

As I explained in my recent book, "The Life Audit: A Step-By-Step Guide to Discovering Your Goals and Building the Life You Want," it's a gentle tool for introspection combined with a practical, action-oriented system that has helped me and many readers turn wishes into reality year after year. 

The audit is steeped in best practices from UX research and design thinking — the same techniques successful tech companies use to figure out how to create a winning product. 

I've seen it happen firsthand, having spent a decade of my career working in user research at companies including Pinterest, LinkedIn, and Twitter. I drew on these approaches to create a method that can help you figure out how to architect the life you want, step by step.

The Life Audit has three main parts. Each phase is intended to help you go deeper in your self-reflection, allowing you to get closer to uncovering your true desires and to figure out how to turn them from wish to reality.  

The beauty of the Life Audit is that it doesn't require any expensive equipment — it's something you can do from the comfort of your home, at any time.

1. Dream (the generative phase) 

Give yourself an hour with a stack of sticky notes and a sharpie — or index cards and a pen, or scraps of printer paper and your kid's markers. Whatever you have! 

On each sticky note, list one wish or desire you have for your life. Wishes can be big and future-focused, like "Write a book!" or immediate and quotidian, like "Be more patient." 

Be open to whatever comes up, and try not to question or judge. This is the time to explore and be curious about your wishes. Aim for 100 wishes in an hour.

2. Learn (the analysis phase) 

Now that you have your hundred wishes, group them into themes. Go through the notes one by one, and start moving them around to put together wishes that feel related.

Themes might include spirituality, career, community, family, hobbies, creative pursuits, health, etc. But they might be different — your themes will be unique to you. 

Once you've mapped your wishes into clusters, step back and reflect on what you see. What do your wishes tell you about yourself? Are you surprised by what's come up? 

Notice, too, if any of these wishes feel more like "shoulds" than "wants." These may be wishes that others — whether it's society, your parents, or your boss — have for you that are not your own. Feel free to discard those. It's your Life Audit. 

Pay attention to areas that you expected to be ripe with wishes but aren't. This may be a sign that they're less important to you, or that you're tending to them already. 

3. Plan (the action phase) 

One reason resolutions often fail is because we take on too much all at once. The Life Audit is intended to reflect wishes you have for your entire life. Even if you tackle this exercise around New Year's, your time span is longer, so you don't have to commit to them all right now.

Choose three to five wishes you'd like to concentrate on this year. You might pick based on how feasible, exciting, or urgent they feel. It's up to you.

For each wish, ask yourself if you have the right resources and support in place to see them through. If you don't, what changes might be needed? For example, things that can help include:

Classic resolution-setting fails to take into account that we are human: fickle and emotional and prone to getting in our own way, even when we don't mean to. 

With its emphasis on introspection, best practices from the world of user research, and practical, rational, action-planning, a Life Audit can help you uncover hidden wishes and chart a realistic path forward. 

Ximena Vengoechea is a user researcher, writer, and illustrator, and the creator of the Life Audit. She is the author of several nonfiction books, including "The Life Audit: A Step-By-Step Guide to Discovering Your Goals and Building the Life You Want″ and forthcoming companion "The Life Audit Journal." Her writing has appeared in Inc., The Washington Post, Newsweek, Forbes, and Fast Company. She also writes the Letters from Ximena newsletter.

Want to make extra money outside of your day job? Sign up for CNBC's online course How to Earn Passive Income Online to learn about common passive income streams, tips to get started and real-life success stories.