How to Use Social Media to Amplify Your Joy—Not Your Anxiety

If you want someone to convince you to stop using social media, I am not your girl. I won’t tell you to delete Instagram, limit your TikTok use with a timer, or condemn society for making it such a big part of our lives. While there’s nothing wrong with these approaches—and each comes with its own benefits—I’m sharing a different perspective.

Social media is already woven into our lives, and I’d rather spend my energy learning how to use it well than pretending it’s going away. The goal isn’t perfection. It’s maximizing the rewards while minimizing the risks.

How do we make that happen? Social media positivity. I’m sharing how to boost the feel-good effects of social media (they do exist!) and giving you tips to help you feel more connected, empowered, and inspired every time you open an app.

If you step away from this article having learned one thing, I want it to be this: Using social media in a passive way is one of the biggest contributors to the feelings of loneliness and dissatisfaction we often associate with our feeds. It makes sense logically, but it’s also backed up by research. When we lurk, scroll for hours without interacting, or consume endless content without participating, we often end up feeling emptier than when we started.

Social media is meant to be social.

Humans are wired for connection. We’re social creatures, after all. When we use social media to connect on a deeper level, we feel less alone—and it can actually support our mental well-being. How we use social media has a huge influence on how we feel when we log off.

Don’t Be a Voyeur

A couple of years ago, I listened to an interview between psychologist and author Guy Winch and psychotherapist Esther Perel. Their conversation completely changed the way I think about social media.

One of Guy Winch’s biggest takeaways was that loneliness doesn’t necessarily come from social media itself—it comes from the passive way many of us use it. We scan other people’s lives without commenting, posting, or engaging. We observe instead of participating.

And that’s the key: connection requires interaction. When we’re simply watching everyone else, we miss the opportunity to be seen ourselves.

Engage, Engage, Engage.

If I follow you on social media, trust that you’ll hear from me eventually. Whether we met once, haven’t spoken in years, or you’ve built an audience of hundreds of thousands, chances are I’ll eventually leave a thoughtful comment or send a message.

I can’t consume without engaging, especially after hearing Guy Winch’s insight. It’s one of the reasons Diane Cari and I have an inside joke—and how I received my own personal book recommendation from Ryan Holiday.

Take it from someone who knows: consistently communicating and engaging with other people’s content (in a kind way that respects boundaries) transforms scrolling from something passive into something genuinely social.

And don’t underestimate the power of a DM. Some of my favorite conversations have started because someone sent me a post that reminded them of me or replied to a Story with a thoughtful comment. More often than not, those private interactions feel even more meaningful than what’s happening in the comments.

A genuine compliment that’s specific and from your heart can make someone’s day, week, or even change the way they think about themselves. Remember: Your words are powerful.

Something I promised myself a long time ago is that if I see something beautiful, I won’t hold my tongue. Whatever you call the opposite of a social media troll (a social media fairy?) is what I aim to be.

One of my favorite ways to spread that energy is by leaving aggressively kind (it’s a thing!) Google reviews for restaurants, coffee shops, or local businesses that made my day a little brighter. We all have more influence than we realize.

I am so guilty of this. I often catch myself scrolling right next to my husband in a zombie-like state without even realizing it. Time passes in a flash, and I’m left feeling strangely empty, lonely, or disconnected. Sound familiar?

Researchers even have a name for this behavior: phubbing—snubbing someone in favor of your phone. It’s been linked to lower relationship satisfaction and increased feelings of loneliness. Whenever I notice myself doing it now, I try to put my phone down and be where my feet are. Social media will still be there later.

Show the Real You

There’s a quote I love from Arlan Hamilton, author of It’s About Damn Time, that always reminds me how important it is to show up both online and in real life as my true self:

“Be who you are so that the people who are looking for you can find you.”

We’ll never be able to capture our real lives on social media—and honestly, I don’t think that’s the goal. Some moments are simply too personal to share. Instead of trying to prove that life isn’t perfect, I think there’s value in sharing what genuinely feels meaningful to you. Those glimpses of real life remind us that there’s always more happening beyond the square on the screen.

Ever save posts, videos, or Reels without ever referring back to them? There’s a treasure trove of inspiration waiting for you. Every so often, I’ll revisit my saved posts—moving favorite images to Pinterest, deleting ideas that no longer resonate, and paying attention to the themes that keep resurfacing. It’s one of my favorite ways to better understand what I’m drawn to creatively and personally.

But here’s the important part: inspiration isn’t meant to live forever in your Saved folder. Let it become something—a recipe you finally cook, a room you redesign, a book you actually read, or a project you decide to start.

Teach Your Algorithm What You Want

Every follow, save, comment, and “Not Interested” tap is a vote for the kind of internet you want to experience. Algorithms aren’t fixed—they’re constantly learning from your behavior. If your feed has started feeling anxious, negative, or simply uninspiring, spend a week intentionally engaging with creators who make you feel curious, hopeful, grounded, or joyful. You might be surprised how quickly your online experience begins to change.

Get Educated

One of my favorite things about social media is how much there is to learn. You can discover a new recipe one minute and dive into NASA’s latest discoveries the next. Curating your feed with people who genuinely teach you something makes scrolling feel far more rewarding.

We each have a deep need to be seen and understood—it’s simply part of being human. Amanda Palmer says it beautifully: “There’s a difference between wanting to be looked at and wanting to be seen.” Expressing ourselves and sharing pieces of our lives can be a beautiful thing. There’s no shame in wanting to contribute to the conversation.

Do you have a hobby you’re passionate about? Creating an account—or even a Substack, Pinterest board, or online community—around a niche interest can be incredibly fulfilling. Sometimes it’s easier to find your people online than it is in everyday life. I’ve started more Instagram side projects than I can count, and I can confidently say I wouldn’t be writing this article if it weren’t for those creative outlets.

Curate Your Experience

Unfollow Wisely

If someone has been giving you a funny feeling or their content no longer resonates with you, unfollow them. To be clear, I’m not suggesting you unfollow people simply because they have different opinions from you. In fact, I try to practice the opposite. There’s so much to learn from perspectives and experiences that differ from our own.

But trust your intuition. If someone’s content consistently leaves you feeling like your life isn’t enough or sends you into a comparison spiral, it’s okay to let them go. Protecting your peace is worth it.

Whether we realize it or not, we’re all influencing someone. The question isn’t whether you have influence—it’s how you choose to use it. I’ve stumbled upon some of my favorite books, artists, recipes, and ideas because a friend decided to share them online. I hope to do the same for someone else.

Think of these as tiny rituals. They’re simple enough to practice every day, but over time, they completely change how social media feels.

1. Set an intention before you open the app.
Ask yourself: Why am I here? To catch up with friends? Find dinner inspiration? Laugh? Learn something new? Going in with a purpose makes it much easier to leave feeling fulfilled instead of drained.

2. Leave one genuine comment.
If something makes you smile, teaches you something, or inspires you, tell the creator. A thoughtful comment is one of the easiest ways to turn passive scrolling into real connection.

3. Send one DM.
Share a post that reminded you of a friend, congratulate someone on a milestone, or simply check in. Some of the best parts of social media happen in private conversations.

4. Save only what you’ll actually use.
Instead of saving everything, ask yourself: Will I realistically come back to this? A smaller, curated collection of inspiration is far more valuable than thousands of forgotten saves.

5. Tell the algorithm what you want more of.
Like, save, comment on, and linger over content that leaves you feeling inspired. Tap “Not Interested” when something sends you into comparison mode. Your feed is always learning from you.

6. Notice how your body feels.
Take a quick pause halfway through scrolling. Do you feel energized? Curious? Tense? Envious? Calm? Your body often notices a shift before your mind does.

7. Share something because it’s meaningful—not because it’ll perform well.
Whether it’s a favorite recipe, a beautiful walk, or a thought you can’t stop thinking about, let your posts reflect what matters to you—not what you think everyone else wants to see.

8. Unfollow one account that no longer serves you.
People change. Interests change. You don’t owe anyone a permanent spot in your feed if their content consistently leaves you feeling worse.

9. Turn inspiration into action.
Cook the recipe. Read the book. Visit the coffee shop. Try the workout. Social media is at its best when it inspires your real life—not replaces it.

10. Know when you’ve had enough.
Close the app while you’re still feeling good. The goal isn’t to squeeze every last drop out of your feed—it’s to leave with something that added value to your day.

Social media isn’t inherently good or bad—it’s a tool that reflects how we use it. When we approach it with more intention, generosity, and curiosity, it becomes less about comparison and more about connection.

That’s the version of the internet I want to help create. And if that makes me a social media fairy, I’ll happily take the title.