I went to New York at Christmas for the first time since my divorce – it wasn’t as lonely as I expected
While Christmas in New York City is often filled with families celebrating the holidays, Minreet Kaur ventured back to the Big Apple alone and discovered that it is a magical place for a solo city break
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I never thought I’d be back in New York after my first visit when I was going through a horrible divorce 15 years ago. In my Punjabi community women are often judged when divorced and the topic itself is taboo. This was a time in my life that I felt labelled as “used goods” and it wasn’t one I wanted to revisit.
It was my birthday in October and after reflecting on life, I realised I had stopped living after my divorce – and I asked myself why? I told myself that this would be the year that I start living, so aged 43 I took my first solo trip to Sri Lanka. Travelling was something I had always wanted to do growing up, but never had the freedom to as my dad was very strict and protective – he didn’t want me travelling alone because he didn’t feel it was safe.
The trip to Sri Lanka made me feel free and helped me find the independence I’d never had when married. Marriage in my community involves a woman sacrificing everything for her husband; I know my mum had done this and I realised I was doing the same, until I made the decision that enough was enough and walked away. I got married when I was 27 and divorced by 28. I remember being at a family wedding on that aforementioned trip to New York and sitting in the corner quietly, looking around and feeling ashamed.
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So it was time to go back and create new memories – but I was anxious. Christmas is usually associated with family, and I would be visiting the magical city of New York City alone at this time of year, knowing I would see lots of couples holding hands and people celebrating with loved ones. But as soon as I arrived in Manhattan I was filled with joy.
My first stop was Jackson Heights where I fueled up on masala chai and an amritsari kulcha (a soft Indian flatbread filled with potato and spices), before heading to Times Square to see MJ the musical. I was surrounded by couples and families, but as soon as the show started it didn’t matter – I was in the zone and danced the night away. The show took me back to my school days and I started the trip feeling on cloud nine.
I sat in front of a lovely couple who were visiting from Washington, both academics in their mid-60s. Paul was in the city to attend a conference and present issues from his latest book, while his wife Cassandra came along to enjoy the restaurants, see the musical and to experience the city during the holiday season. Although New York is not known to be a friendly city at that point I decided that I was going to make the most of my time as a solo traveler, put my phone away and strike up conversations whenever I could.
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During my trip I spoke to a lady who was visiting from Arizona with family, but was doing a solo day of things she wanted to see; another gentleman was from Saudi Arabia and studying in New York: I met a lady who also was divorced and we spoke about how being single gives you freedom and how an unhappy marriage can really tear you apart; I ran into a couple from they UK who were in the city on their fifth visit and can’t stop coming back.
Yes, there were moments I felt sad not having someone to share my experience with, particularly when I did something new or exciting – like when I leaned out and looked down from the highest outdoor platform in New York City at the Edge. But I actually found happiness in sharing this with strangers, meeting new people and being grateful that I was finally able to have these experiences.
Each morning I would get up at 6am and usually not go to sleep until 1am, walking between 25,000 and 30,000 steps a day. In order to see the city at its fullest I stayed at Concorde Hotel in Midtown – as I thought this would give me the complete Manhattan experience – but I also spent a couple of nights at TWA Hotel at JFK because it was affordable and convenient for flights. I also found that having a CityPass was a convenient way to tick off some of New York’s top attractions including the Empire State Building, Top of the Rock and the ferry to the Statue of Liberty.
I ended my trip with a visit to Central Park where I tried ice skating for the first time at the famous rink. It was very busy and quite intimidating, but I met a group of friends from Atlanta on a girls’ trip and they helped me overcome my fear of skating. One told me: “You’re very brave to be on a solo trip and trying out skating – in a different country too. That’s inspiring.”
The trip gave me the boost I needed to know that as a single solo traveller I am free to live my life as I want and I don’t need to be controlled by society – I just wish I’d done it sooner. I’ve now decided my next trip solo will be to visit the places I went on my honeymoon: Hawaii, Las Vegas and San Francisco.
Minreet was travelling as a guest of Flight Hub with accommodation support through TWA Hotel and Concorde.
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