Mom’s Bag of Surprises

YES! This is so me. Minus the lollipop b/c kid is not old enough yet. Also, always, ALWAYS sand on the bottom of the backpack. No idea where it comes from.

I bought myself a reasonably fancy (not second-mortgage fancy) handbag for my birthday. The inside is a nice pale grey colour. I opened a candy bar, ate a little, put it in the handbag. A few hours later- surprise! A melty puddle of chocolate at the bottom of my nice new bag. It was England in March, not warm enough to melt chocolate… or so I thought. Doh.

Yessssssssssss! + Band-aids and several lip balm options :P

The napkins! I feel seen! Also, extra socks. So.many.crumbs. Pebbles and sticks, carefully collected.

A wrapped cookie fell out of my bag at work.
Me: Oops, that’s my emergency cookie.
Colleague: Oh, do you have kids?
Me: …yes, but it’s MY emergency cookie.

goldfish dust
leaves
seashells from a 2021 that now smell absolutely vile

Pacifiers (either several or none at all, of course when needed the most), used cloth hankies, a toy the kids got at the dentist‘s, a piece of art made in kindergarten, sand at the bottom.

Petrified cough drops, mummified tissue, and the what’s that from.

So many things, but the worst was totally me, not my kids. I went out for Pho and didn’t use the fresh basil in my soup. I hate to waste, so I wrapped it in a napkin and put it in my purse. Sometime later, possibly weeks, I thought I was hallucinating that I could smell pizza every time I opened my purse. After a few days of that, I took a minute to investigate and found a tablespoon of dried basil flakes at the bottom of my purse.

Uno. Sunscreen. Pencils. Chapstick. Small pad of paper.

This is probably the best group to ask for this rec: a cute, fun (maybe a bright color?) bag that isn’t a diaper bag but has some sort of pocket for a kids’ water bottle. I’m over my diaper-bag backpack and want something smaller, but I don’t want a leaky bottle floating around!

Things I have found in my bag: many decrepit grocery lists, a little plastic container of Cheerios, a superhero cape (my son went through a phase in preschool where he wore his capes everywhere), tiny bottle of cucumber-scented hand sanitizer, random bits of glitter that came off someone’s art project.

Accidentally unwrapped bandaids. Barrettes. Many chapsticks.

fat stack of paper napkins from fast food restaurant
random toy from birthday party goody bag
errant crunchy snack specimen
dead leaves and pine needles

I once found a bottle of wine in my bag, a “capricious tote” in the spirit of a recent episode of Succession. It had been there for at least a week from my book club meeting, nestled amongst my just-in-case
napkins and fruit leathers, waiting to be discovered like a heavy glass Easter egg. I still don’t know how I didn’t notice the weight of that entire bottle of wine for upwards of a week!

Recents finds: three metal spoons (how?), a small car, a pacifier, two dirty facemasks, and about a dozen crumbling small peanut butter crackers leaving a fine dust on the bottom of the bag.

Fossilized clementine? Lol. I’ve got one now.

Oh my gosh, I can smell that clementine right now 🥴
I over two lipsticks I never wear anyways and half the baby snack shelf from my store. I’m always scared someone is gonna accuse me of stealing because it’s so much.

Relatable! I found a clementine turning blue in a snack bag this week🙃 Happy weekend!

Who told you that you could look in my purse!!!!

There will come a day when I don’t have a leaking child’s water bottle in my bag, but that day is not today.

Hair bands and half-peeled band aids.

A day when I reach into my work bag and don’t pull out a handful of cheerios is a parenting win in my book.

Fossilized clementine!!! I feel seen! Just a few weeks ago I dug out my Bean boots for a muddy community garden day and when my foot didn’t fit…out rolled a fossilized clementine. While it’s a handy fruit to have around kids they certainly end up in the darndest places.