Why Moms Today Need Minimalism

Minimalism often conjures up an image of a traveling nomad owning only the contents of a backpack. Or a single person sleeping on a mat in his tiny, white-walled, barely furnished apartment.

But here is a word, that, when merged with minimalism, needs to be normalized: motherhood.

Minimalism and motherhood go together.

Why?

Because minimalism—living with less stuff, fewer commitments, and more space to focus on what matters—is a way to opt out of the overwhelm now accepted, and almost expected, to accompany mom-life.

A recent poll of millennial moms showed 76 percent of moms report feeling burnt out. And 73 percent hide their stress from their families. When asked about help around the house, 88 percent of moms polled said they would need at least four clones of themselves to get it all done.

But our culture has accepted this overwhelm as normal.

In my experience, buying into a culture that glorifies doing it all, owning it all, and keeping up with the Joneses leads to several things:

A toy room bursting at the seams, spewing everything from plastic light-up gadgets to Legos throughout the home. A schedule that turns moments with loved ones into harried “to-do” items—bathe the baby, check; feed the toddler, check.  A kitchen perpetually littered with food remnant-covered dishes.  Clothing piles growing throughout bedrooms and closets. A mom, who, in operating outside of her capacity, eventually experiences burn out, overwhelm, and possibly even resentment.

A toxic mom culture

Living in a state of chronic stress throughout my late 20s and early 30s, overwhelmed, with no time or energy for myself, I epitomized the picture of “mom life” normalized by our culture.

The phrase “hot mess” joined our vernacular back in the 1800s to describe a warm meal, especially a gloopy one (think mess halls). This descriptor’s most common target today? Moms. The term “hot mess” mom, in short, is a person whose vocation is to care for little people, but who has, in a sense, given up on enjoying this time period in her life. She’s become the victim, the person who, because of her lot in life, should exist strictly in survival mode. Often, she can’t remember the last time she showered, throws on clothes off the closet floor each morning, and requires multiple cups of coffee to get through her days. While these descriptors seem to border extreme, they are becoming widely accepted.

Could the rise of moms who identify as a “hot mess” and the rise of stuff ownership be related? Absolutely.

Too much stuff

The average size of the American home has nearly tripled in size over the past 50 years. In the 1950s, homes averaged 983 sq. ft. In 1970 the average home size grew to 1,500 sq. ft., and in 2021 they averaged 2,480 sq. ft. What remains unchanged, according to a 2006 UCLA study, are women’s feelings of responsibility for home upkeep. 

Exorbitantly more home, filled with exceedingly more stuff, plus a sustained feeling to care for it all, is sure to unearth overwhelm. Meanwhile, every possession in a home has a claim on the mother who cares for it. If considered clutter, these possessions constantly ping their nervous systems, subconsciously activating “fight or flight mode” simply by being within eyesight.

But instead of questioning their home size, possession count, or number of commitments scheduled, our culture tells moms to welcome it all. And then, when elevated stress and survival mode ensues, as it rationally would, moms increasingly berate themselves for not being able to “do it all” and accept a “hot mess” label.

Society today gives moms a free pass to “throw in the towel” on motherhood. To succumb to a baseline of chronic stress. While a short stint in survival mode can serve a purpose (a place to spring from), it was never meant to be a permanent way of life. Adopting the “hot mess” mindset displaces ownership. We cast blame to normalize an inability to keep up with life, while negating the fact that we can create an environment that supports us.

But stress has become an epidemic. A way of life with ripple effects to the next generation. How a mom feels about herself and how she feels in her home influences everything from how she responds to those around her to even the number of children she is open to having.

Minimalism

If I had a word of advice for myself as I entered motherhood 9 ½ years ago, it would be this: Give yourself permission to live simply. 

“Simply” could have been replaced by “differently,” “counter culturally,” “against the grain.”

I’d have told my 29-year-old self, “See the way society tells moms to live (accumulating more stuff, more commitments, more stress) and take a big step in the other direction.”

And, if you’re a mom, that is the message I’d share with you today. 

Embracing minimalism as a mom leads to several things:

A toy room with a few, loved toys that your children can return to their “homes” independently.  A schedule with margin that turns moments with loved ones into moments of connection. Lingering to memorize the baby’s smile during bath time. Laughing with the toddler as he smears oatmeal through his hair… again. A kitchen with fewer dishes, a system for washing them, and a clear sink.  Bedroom and closet floors that are pile-free. A mom, who, realizing she is functioning within her capacity and is also focused on what matters, is living a meaningful and authentic life.

If you resonate with the chronically stressed mom, take heart, I’ve been there. Give yourself permission to live simply. Minimalism won’t take away all your mom-stress or problems (that’s not real life). But it will give you space to mitigate and navigate them.

Imagine what your life as a mom would be like with minimalism.

If that image resonates with you, then take a step today to begin merging motherhood with minimalism. Embracing a life of less stuff makes for a lighter, more meaningful motherhood.

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About the Author: Julia Ubbenga is a freelance journalist and mom of four who documents her family’s journey into minimalism on her blog Rich in What Matters. Her teachings on simplicity and intentional living help others live more meaningful lives with less stuff.