Yes, "Daddy Issues" Are A Real Thing—Here Are 6 Signs You May Have Them

“The term ‘daddy issues’ is used to refer to psychological issues that a person may experience as a result of an absent, abusive, or problematic relationship with their father or father figure,” says Bre Haizlip, LPC, a licensed mental health counselor and family relationship expert. “It is not a clinical or medical term and is not officially recognized by psychologists or psychiatrists.”

You won’t find “daddy issues” in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), and the term’s exact origins appear unknown. But generally speaking, the phrase has become a catch-all for people whose attachment issues or unresolved trauma play out in their romantic relationships. 

“The origins of the term are unclear, but it has been used for decades, particularly in the context of Freudian psychology,” says licensed counselor Charity M. Kilgore, LPC. “It has been used to describe a range of behaviors and attitudes, including seeking out older men for romantic relationships, difficulty trusting men, low self-esteem, and a range of other emotional and psychological issues.”

Historically, the term “daddy issues” has been used in a derogatory way to describe women—but according to clinical psychotherapist Miriam Koshy, MSc, anyone can experience them, since it’s an attachment problem at its core. “The term is often used to shame women and minimize their needs and desires in relationships,” she tells mbg. “People misuse the term quite often…which can cause a woman to feel judged and suggest that something may be wrong with her. Anyone can have attachment wounds resulting from a lack of strong relationships with their parents, regardless of gender.”

Raffaello Antonino, Ph.D, a London-based counseling psychologist and clinical director at Therapy Central, tells mbg, “A man [may] experience ‘daddy issues’ well into his 30s or 40s if they grew up with an unstable father figure that made them feel ’not good enough’ for their love and attention as a child. In turn, their ‘daddy issues’ might make them insecure in their romantic relationships [or have] difficulties navigating relationships with powerful men in their lives, like a manager at work.” 

“Using the term ‘daddy issues’ carelessly can perpetuate stigma and discourage individuals from seeking help for genuine emotional struggles,” he continues. “Individuals of any gender and sexual orientation can experience challenges related to their relationships with their fathers—as well as their mothers.” (That’s right—mommy issues are totally a thing). 

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If you’re secretly wondering whether or not you have "daddy issues," ahead are the potential signs to watch out for, according to relationship experts.

Note: People of any gender can have father-related attachment issues, and while many of the more notable signs deal with adult relationships with men, these can apply to romantic relationships of any kind.

1.

It’s hard for you to trust or open up to male figures in your life. 

2.

You’re a people-pleaser or crave constant reassurance from male partners.

3.

You tend to idealize your partner or put the relationship on a pedestal.

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4.

Your personal life sometimes mirrors your childhood attachments.

“A person with unresolved trauma or issues related to their father may struggle to form healthy attachments or may seek out relationships that mirror their past experiences,” Haizlip tells mbg. 

For example, if you were anxiously attached to a father figure or had intense family issues growing up, you may be drawn to similar dynamics in romantic relationships later on—whether you realize it consciously or not.

If your parents were distant or unaffectionate when you were younger, "daddy issues" may look like seeking partners who are emotionally unavailable. 

5.

You frequently feel jealous or overprotective in intimate relationships.

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6.

You know you've got a complicated relationship with your dad.

Was your father absent in your life? Was he physically present but emotionally unavailable? Was your father abusive toward you physically, emotionally, or sexually?

If you said yes to any of the above, that's reason enough to assume you may have attachment issues that require healing.

“There is no one definitive cause of ‘daddy issues’ since every individual's experiences and relationships with their father or father figure are unique,” Koshy tells mbg. However, most experts agree that the idea of daddy issues can be traced to Sigmund Freud’s “Oedipus complex,” which he proposed as part of early psychoanalytic theory.

“This complex suggests that a person may have certain unconscious impulses, both positive and negative, due to a poor relationship with their father,” Koshy tells mbg. “In women with this complex, they may develop unhealthy relationships or patterns with men who care for them in an attempt to fix their broken relationship with their father.” 

For example, if your father was overly controlling or critical, you may have low self-esteem in future relationships and seek constant affirmation. Or if your parent was physically or emotionally absent, you may seek to heal those feelings of abandonment or neglect in future relationships. “When fathers do not express their emotions or communicate with their children, it can lead to difficulties in forming close emotional connections with others [later on],” Koshy adds.

That said, sometimes, "daddy" issues are more related to general attachment styles than your literal relationship with your father figure. “In general, insecure attachment—whether avoidant (i.e., dismissive), ambivalent (i.e., anxious or preoccupied), or disorganized (i.e., unresolved)—can lead to a wide array of mental, emotional, and behavioral patterns, including daddy issues,” Manly tells mbg.

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"Daddy issues" can impact your relationships in a variety of important ways. “A person may struggle to form healthy attachments with romantic partners, may seek out partners who are emotionally unavailable, or may struggle with intimacy and trust,” Kilgore says. “Some studies have linked a poor relationship with one's father to a range of psychological issues, including depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem.”

According to Kashy, these attachment issues can also make your relationships feel generally unstable and untrustworthy. “They may worry that their partner will abandon them, reject them, or betray them, which can lead to jealousy, possessiveness or clinginess and indulging in a lot of people-pleasing behaviors,” she tells mbg. Fear of rejection, constant approval-seeking, and emotional dependence can also occur, Kashy adds.

Daddy issues may also affect the type of sex and relationships you seek. For example, one study11 suggests that people whose fathers were absent or disengaged during childhood may be more likely to explore risky sexual behavior later in life. Another study found that men who grew up with emotionally distant fathers reported a lack of self-confidence and a desire to find father substitutes in adulthood. Daddy issues don’t necessarily lead to problems with sex, but it can’t hurt to reflect on how your past may be influencing the present.

1.

Start to unpack the reasons behind your feelings

According to Manly, the first way to address these father-related attachment issues is to understand the potential underlying reasons why you might have them. “The first step toward healing from ‘daddy issues’ is to increase awareness regarding the psychological wounds from early childhood,” she says. “Nonjudgmental, free-association journaling that focuses on the father-child relationship is a wonderful way to delve into daddy issues.”

She also suggests making an objective list of what you perceive your “daddy issues” to be—for example, do you have trouble getting vulnerable with your partner? Do you constantly find yourself dating narcissists, or do you find yourself snapping at your male coworker for no reason?

“As you become more aware of your issues, you can [eventually] choose to engage in different behaviors in the future,” Manly says.

2.

Embrace your daddy issues instead of resisting them

3.

Aim to establish healthy connections

4.

Seek therapy or professional support

Healing your daddy issues is no small feat, but professional support can help. “Consider seeing a therapist to address and work through [your] issues,” Kashy tells mbg. “A therapist can help you process your emotions, recognize and break unhelpful patterns, and work toward healing and building healthier adult relationships.” 

If therapy isn’t accessible right now or you’d rather approach the healing journey solo first, Manly recommends bibliotherapy (i.e., reading self-help books) as a starting point. You can also engage in inner child work and other trauma-coping exercises that can help you address the root causes of your daddy issues. 

6.

Practice self-compassion along the way

Whether your “daddy issues” are caused by problems during childhood involving your father, or you simply struggle with attachment in relationships, you don’t have to deal with this alone. If reading about daddy issues brought up hurtful memories from the past, know that it’s natural to feel overwhelmed–but you can, and will, get through this.

“Acknowledge the emotions you feel regarding your relationship with your father,” Kashy says. “Whether it's anger, hurt, sadness, or disappointment, allow yourself to feel these emotions and understand that they are valid.” 

Look out for the common signs of daddy issues and reflect on whether or not they hit home for you—because you know your story best. And remember: Although it’s not a clinical diagnosis, just about anyone can “have” daddy issues—it’s a common experience, and with some intentional self-care and healing practices, you can be on your way to healthy, strong relationships.