4 Tips For Finding A Therapist You Really, Truly Connect With

As taboos finally melt away and the efficacy of therapeutic services begins to be embraced, more and more people are giving therapy a try. Therapy can be a transformative journey into a rich, terrifying, and beautiful inner landscape of the self. And once a person decides to begin the inner journey of therapy, the next step becomes finding the best therapist for your needs. We asked two mental health experts how to do just that. 

Deciding to give therapy a try.

People may want to try therapy for so many reasons. “Most often, someone is struggling emotionally or is concerned that they may be suffering from a mental health issue–but this is not the only reason why someone may reach out for therapy,” GinaMarie Guarino, LMHC, a licensed mental health counselor at PsychPoint tells mbg. “People also seek therapy to address relationship issues, stress management challenges, loneliness, to learn how to build self-esteem, and to develop assertive communication skills. Someone may also seek therapy if they are struggling to adjust to change, for career guidance, or to learn how to manage grief and loss.”

There are many types of therapy, and different modalities might be a better fit for different people depending on what their specific needs are.

“Couples therapy helps couples learn how to reconnect with each other and work through relationship issues,” says Guarino. Couples therapy, also called couples counseling or marriage counseling, can be helpful for couples going through really turbulent times or for couples just looking to deepen their connection, trust, or communication skills. 

According to Guarino, cognitive therapy helps a person learn how their negative thoughts may trigger unhealthy feelings. Cognitive therapy is based on the idea that shifting the way someone thinks about an event can improve their mental state because problems may have arisen due to errors in reasoning. This type of therapy might work for people who find comfort in reasoning with their thoughts. 

“Behavioral therapy uses different methods, like reinforcement, modeling, and consequences to modify unwanted behaviors,” explains Guarino. Behavioral therapy can also be combined with cognitive therapy for a modality called cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which identifies destructive thought patterns and uses a wide range of strategies to help people overcome those thought patterns. 

Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)

Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) is a modified form of the above-mentioned CBT. “DBT teaches mindful thought-challenging skills and acceptance skills to deal with stress or hurtful emotions,” says Guarino. DBT was originally intended to treat borderline personality disorder (BPD), but it was adapted to treat other mental health conditions as well.

Solution-focused therapy (SFBT)

Solution-focused brief therapy (SFBT) is goal-oriented therapy, and past circumstances are not targeted in this form of therapy. According to Guarino, solution-focused therapy helps a person learn problem-solving and goal-setting skills. It is not for those who want to talk about past experiences. 

In person-centered therapy, the therapist steps back and lets the client take the lead. This therapy model is also known as client-centered therapy, a humanistic approach in which the therapy practitioner serves as a guide for a person’s self-discovery journey.  

Motivational interviewing 

“Motivational interviewing is another modality that can help people who are struggling to make changes in their life, like those suffering from addiction,” says Marcum. Motivational interviewing is a method that helps resolve insecurity and ambivalence to uncover an internal spark that will help a person change their behavior. This is usually a short-term process that is empathetic and considers the difficulty in making long-lasting life changes. 

Psychodynamic therapy is a form of talk therapy that helps people uncover and recognize repressed emotions and how unconscious influences are impacting their day-to-day behavior. Marcum says that psychodynamic therapy is for those who want to explore their past and how it has shaped their current thoughts and behaviors. 

“Existential therapy helps people explore purpose in life, death, and freedom vs. responsibility,” Marcum says. Existential therapy often focuses on the search for meaning and emphasizes one’s capacity to make rational choices and develop to their highest potential. This kind of therapy also acknowledges that anxiety is a natural part of the human experience, which is a relief for many people who might be constantly chasing away anxiety. What if there’s a way to exist along-side it?

While many of the forms of therapy listed here concentrate on improving mental health, transpersonal therapy uses the holistic approach of addressing social, emotional, creative, and intellectual needs through the lens of spiritual healing. There is emphasis on open-mindedness, radical honesty, and self-awareness derived from both the therapist and the client. 

Trauma-specific modalities 

There are many trauma-specific therapeutic modalities for healing. “Trauma-specific modalities like eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) or Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) assist people in working through past traumatic memories using bilateral stimulation,” explains Marcum. If you are coming to therapy to work through past trauma, know how utterly brave you are for showing up for yourself in this way. 

1. Search online databases.

There are many online databases out there to help connect people with a therapist who fits their needs and preferences well. Here are a few directories where you can start your search: 

Choosing the right therapist for you.

Questions to ask at your first session.

The right questions to ask at your session vary from individual to individual, but here are some common ones, according to Marcum and Guarino: