7 Ways to Stop Basing Your Worth on Your Looks

I remember as young teens, my best friend and I lazing on my bed on the weekend and poring over celebrity magazines. Who’s had a bad photo snapped whilst walking to the shops? Have they had a boob job? Beach season is just around the corner – are YOU ready?

It’s a pretty sad acknowledgement that so many of my formative years were preoccupied with seeking validation about my outward appearance – from fad clothing trends to miracle elixirs that promised to fix all of my body issues in one prettily packaged little bottle.

But is it really any wonder when the cosmetics industry alone is worth over $100 billion worldwide? The basic formula seems to work. Feel bad about yourself = spend more money (and go to more extreme lengths) to try and fix it.

It sounds horribly cliché to say that of course my self-worth couldn’t be found this way. But it’s not easy when society values appearances so highly. To combat this, I want to share some of the things that have helped me on my journey towards self-esteem – beyond the mask of makeup. 

When you take the time to identify your personal values, you begin to look at the world differently because you have a better understanding of what you need to prioritize.

Once I completed this exercise, I realized that every single one of my values had absolutely nothing to do with my appearance. 

One of these was Creativity. It therefore made sense for me to review how I was spending my time – I have since adopted a minimal makeup routine to make room for incorporating a writing habit as part of my mornings.  

One of the best things I’ve done to change my relationship with my body is to develop solid foundations based on inner wellness rather than outward appearance. 

What I mean by this is that nutrition, exercise and quality sleep are now far more important to me than slathering on fake tan for a night out. 

I went fully plant-based a year and a half ago for my health, the planet and animals – and it’s one of the most empowering decisions I ever made.

I also go to the gym and try to get outside for walks wherever possible. When you start to get physically fitter and stronger, you can’t help but appreciate your body more – a complete mindset shift for me. 

Of course, the irony is that all this inner goodness can’t help but shine through.

If you’re unaware of the devastating environmental and social effects of the fast fashion industry, then have a read of Lauren Bravo’s eye-opening book, How to Break Up With Fast Fashion. 

Brands also manipulate your emotions with a false sense of urgency and aggressive marketing messages, which can leave you feeling like you always need more stuff to be happy. 

Have a digital detox and unsubscribe from emails that make you feel pressured to purchase or that you’re not enough. You can learn to take back control by embracing slow fashion and buying from more ethical brands.

We all love a compliment. But what I came to realize is that I was always hyper-focused on outward appearances – “I love your scarf” or “Have you dyed your hair?” – which in many ways made me a part of the problem.

Now, I try harder to compliment the things that I would like to be appreciated for. Do you love how generous someone is? How their smile lights up a room? Or the fact that you always have the most stimulating conversations with them? If so, then let them know!

“The most important thing you can wear is confidence.” – Blake Lively

I used to be that person obsessing on the other end of the phone: “What is the dress code for tonight? Smart-casual? Okay, so jeans and a nice top. But what is it that you’re wearing?”

The truth of the matter is that confidence is more attractive than the outfit you’re wearing. Celebrate your uniqueness rather than being in a room full of carbon copies.

Leading on from the last point – learn to love standing out from the crowd. Directing conversations and having interesting things to say is endlessly more charismatic than looking pretty and nodding along with everyone else.

Rather than mindlessly watching TV at the end of a long day or browsing ASOS for clothes you don’t need, try to consume things that enrich, educate and challenge you to develop your own opinions. For instance, read for just 15 minutes a day and you’ll get through roughly 13 books a year. 

Become the kind of person you’d want to be friends with or in a relationship with.

At the risk of sounding woo-woo, mindful practices help you to step outside of yourself and recognize your connection to spirit energy. 

Once I had the epiphany that I am not my thoughts, I also realized that I am not my body either. Taking the time – even just a few minutes each day – for some quiet meditation or a simple yoga practice is an excellent way to connect with yourself at this deeper level.

That Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow Doesn’t Exist

Let’s be clear – I’m not trying to say that you shouldn’t care about your appearance at all. But it should be based on healthy intrinsic motivations rather than hoping a guy wants to sleep with you at the end of a night out.

If you don’t feel good about yourself because of how you look, then take a leaf out of the Stoics’ book. As something that’s largely out of your control – you’re born into your body, after all – it’s not something worthy of your precious time and energy. 

When youthfulness is the goal and the only certainty in life is that you will age… Well, you’re fighting a losing battle that’s ultimately expensive, time-consuming and miserable. 

Learning to love yourself for who you are and what you stand for may not be the message you’re hearing from society. So start being that voice for yourself.

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About the Author: Intentional View is a personal development blog that encourages you to start your own individual revolution, by taking back control of your habitual thoughts, beliefs and actions. Become more intentional with weekly articles on mindfulness, productivity, minimalism and veganism.