An Age-by-Age Guide to Preparing Kids for a Big Move

Moving is physically and emotionally challenging for even the most adaptable of us and even in the best of circumstances; for kids, it can be especially hard. It disrupts their everyday routines and separates them from their friends—and they have little (or no) control over the situation. Plus, they’re probably among the last to find out a move is eminent, so they have less time to adjust to the idea.

“Adults get the heads up,” said Tyler Keith, a licensed clinical social worker from Thriveworks who specializes in family therapy. “Whatever is prompting the move, they are a part of the planning process.”

How you help prepare your child for a move and ease them through the transition will vary depending on their age and how far you’re moving. Here’s how to help a child of any age through a big move.

Toddlers are still in the early stages of developing both an understanding of their own autonomy and their language skills. Your explanations should be simple, precise, and repeated as often as necessary.

In addition, Keith said, “visuals are very helpful.” You can use a calendar to mark down the days until the move, and take advantage of imaginative play to act out what the move will look like using their favorite toys. It’s also important to stick to your usual routines as much as possible, including morning and bedtime routines and regular nap times.

And, to the degree it’s possible, pack their belongings last at the current home and unpack them first at the new home so they are surrounding by familiar things.

At this age, kids are really starting to explore the world and become more independent. They are curious and they can better understand what is happening, so lots of communication is key. Keep your explanations simple and straight-forward, help them label how they’re feeling, and encourage them to ask questions.

Like with toddlers, reading books or watching shows about moving and incorporating imaginative play with their toys is helpful. Kids this age also love to help, so get them involved in the move. “Set aside a few of their books and toys and have them pack up the items they would like to take with them,” suggests Alison LaSov, a licensed marriage & family therapist and CEO of Advekit.

At this age, kids are developing deeper friendships, which can make a move emotionally much harder for them. Create concrete opportunities for them to say goodbye to friends and neighbors they may not see again—you can even walk through the old home so they can say goodbye to their bedroom and other favorite spots.

Brainstorm ways to maintain any relationships that are important to them. If the move is a local one, they likely can still have regular playdates with friends, even if they’re changing schools. If the move is more long-distance, they can exchange addresses to become pen pals or stay in touch through weekly phone calls or video chats.

“Create opportunities for them to receive closure,” LaSov said.

This is an age in which kids are really starting to test out their independence, which means you can expect to see more bargaining, as well as a wider range of emotions, including—but not limited to—anger, fear, defiance, or even excitement.

One way to help them with this transition is to talk with them about what their new school is like—and if possible, schedule a tour. If the move is happening during the school year, the school may even have student tour guides, which will give your child a chance to both get a feel for the layout of the school and meet a friendly face or two before their first day.

You should also research what clubs, activities, or sports are available for them to participate in, and get them signed up and involved early, so they can meet new friends their age right away.

“Having a sense of what is to come will help reduce anxiety about the unknown,” LaSov said.

At this age, kids have even greater independence, which makes any move increasingly more complex—there may be even be a romantic relationship you don’t know about. “The sooner you can tell them, the better,” Keith said.

If there have been other traumas leading up to the move, such as a death or divorce, expect the adjustment to be even harder, which is why it’s important to watch for any signs they may be struggling and to keep an open line of communication. “It’s pretty common to see some acting out,” Keith said.

One way to help them through it is to try and maintain routines; enroll them in a summer camp they are familiar with or find ways for them to continue with their favorite sports or extracurriculars. Seek out any stability possible. “Kids in their early teens thrive on stability,” LaSov said.

At this age, your kids are even closer to becoming fully independent—they’re likely starting to drive, working an after-school job, or starting to handle their own finances. If they’re changing schools, it means disrupting their relationships, social activities, and high school milestones. There’s going to be more bargaining, some of which may be hard to dispute.

Technology will be key for them to maintain connections with friends; talk with them about how they can protect those relationships with phone calls, video chats, or visits, and establish some of the boundaries and ground rules, if needed. For example, if the move is only a short distance away, and your teenager can drive, this might prompt a discussion of whether they can visit their friends on weekends.

“Do the best you can to build trust with your child,” Keith said.