Attention: I Have Revolutionized Cheese Fries

People like to say that weed makes you stupider, and I’m sure it doesn’t help if you’re studying differential equations or polymer chemistry (both of which I opted out of in college), but I’ve never found it hindered me in my line of work. If I’m so stupid, how did I invent a new kind of cheese fry?

Truth be told, I’ve been wrapping things in fried cheese blankets—aka “frico blankets”—for quite some time now. It started with eggs, both fried and omelette’d, then progressed to pickles, and—in one instance—a chicken apple sausage (that I did not get a pic of because it was ugly).

Then, last night, after ingesting a new-to-me edible, I decided I wanted fries, so I put a few handfuls of frozen fries in the air fryer. While those were sizzling away, I decided I wanted cheese fries, but did not feel like making a cheese sauce, or getting cheese all over my air fryer, or transferring the fries to the oven to melt some cheese under the broiler.

Then I remembered the frico pickle.

I placed a couple of slices of American cheese in a nonstick pan, let them fry until they got all lacy and browned on the bottom, then set a small handful of fries in the center of the cheese crisp and folded it around them. I set the thing on a plate for a few minutes to let the cheese firm up a bit, then ate it like a little burrito. I was pleased.

This afternoon, I did it all over again, only this time I put bacon bits in the cheese, then finished the whole thing off with a dollop of Daisy and sprinkle of scallions. Again, I was pleased.

Photo: Claire Lower

There is no real “recipe” here. All you have to do is add cheese to a pan and let it grease out for a bit. I’ve used both American deli slices and pre-shredded cheddar, but almost any cheese that melts will work, provided you cook it long enough. (Low-moisture cheeses will work better and faster, however.)

Let the cheese fry in its own grease until it’s golden brown all around the edges, with very few melted-looking spots. (See the pickle post for a good visual.) You want lots of little holes, indicating most of the water has evaporated, allowing the cheese to crisp up once it’s removed from the pan.

Add a tablespoon or so of bacon bits to the cheese while it’s melting, then add the fries once it becomes golden and lacy. Use a silicone spatula to fold the cheese around the fries, transfer to a plate to let it set for at lest 30 seconds, then garnish with sour cream and scallions if you are so inclined. Pick it up and eat it like a burrito, making sure to ignore any and all haters.