Driving While Looking at the Rearview Mirror

Is it good or bad?

The answer is obvious when we imagine driving down a highway, eyes locked on the rearview mirror – a sure-fire disaster!

What about when we are zipping down life’s highway heading to where we want to be?

The answer may sound a bit counterintuitive. Looking back into our past life could actually propel us to move forward and with more focus and speed.

I don’t mean recollecting our bad memories.

Rather, here’s the key takeaway: the more we appreciate how far we have come, the accomplishments achieved, the better our mindset to keep making incremental progress toward our goal.

Honestly, I was not always on this wavelength. I wish someone had dropped this wisdom bomb on me way back when — it could’ve saved me a truckload of anxiety and stress, dodging some of these nasty potholes along the way.

Focusing on the future, not progress made

Growing up in a middle-income household, I was taught that I should always be chasing more.

Gaining knowledge led to the need for more knowledge.

Putting in hard work led to the need for more hard work.

Learning skills led to the need for more skills.

Every time I would notch a success, it would trigger my mind’s “what’s next” alarm to say “I can only imagine something will go wrong, and I’ll be back to square one – better to move on quickly!”

A complete lack of acknowledgement and savoring of success.

Striving for perfection

As a recovering perfectionist, this is still a tough one – frankly, the feelings keep coming back.
Being raised in a hyper-competitive environment, nothing was deemed acceptable except being impeccable.

Get the best grades.

Follow all the rules.

Be the most popular girl in class.

Get admitted into the best college.

This need for such excellence in life continued into adulthood – snag the best job, be loved and acknowledged by others, exceed work performance expectations – the list went on.

Anytime I slipped up, my inner voice would go bam! “I’m not worthy of where I am, I’m a failure! I am NOT enough!”

It made me feel anxious, sad, angry (at myself and those close to me), paralyzed from inaction and fearful of taking risks.

As Brene Brown perfectly (no pun intended) summed it up “Perfection is a twenty-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen”.

Living others’ dreams

Being a perfectionist is not about living our best life. It’s about living someone else’s, constantly needing the approval of other’s. Not being comfortable in our own skin.

My need to hide the warts in my life came from feeling pressured by societal expectations and family obligations. I believed that fulfilling the vision of success painted by my family and society would bring me happiness or approval.

But here’s the kicker, in doing so, I sacrificed my own authenticity and sense of purpose.

A powerful solution

My transformation and mindset revolution happened when I started to believe in three words “I am enough”.

Did that just happen overnight? Absolutely not. It was a slow burn, notching small wins, celebrating those wins, believing in myself. And most importantly, reflecting on those wins by looking in the rearview mirror.

Say a gratitude once a week? Win! Celebrate!

Meditate for 10 minutes? Win! Celebrate!

Positive affirmations in front of the mirror for 5 minutes? Win! Celebrate!

The small wins became habits, habits gradually changed my behavior, and just looking back and savoring the wins guided me to love me and love my life a little more every day.

I recognized that true fulfillment comes from living in alignment with my own values and passions, not those imposed upon us by others – I felt FREE!

I measured success based on my own yardstick, not one that was imposed on me. What a novel concept – I could define my own success!

Realizing the value of living in the moment and acknowledging my journey’s progress has shown me the path to a joyful and satisfying life.

It required me – and still requires me every day – to be intentional with my thoughts and actions.

The path forward

Recognizing your wins and progress made is a powerful tool to a happy and meaningful life.

I like to think of our happiness as a jar of marbles. Imagine you wake up with the jar half full.

A negative thought popping into our brain takes three marbles away from the jar

A happy thought adds just one.

So even just maintaining equilibrium requires consistently replenishing the jar with positive thoughts and intentions (and minimizing the negative ones), thereby sustaining and amplifying our happiness levels.

The key: your happiness as a person is dependent on what you measure yourself against

The solution is to measure yourself against… YOU.

Or more accurately, the past YOU.

If you’re not yet convinced how much progress you have made in the past, here’s a quick exercise:

Close your eyes, and imagine yourself 10 years back. Now compare that to your current self and observe the progress. Write it down – progress does not just mean external accomplishments, but any form of growth – physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, etc.

You will be pleasantly surprised (and maybe even shocked) how far you’ve come!

Keep revisiting this list over and over again. It will drive a mindset of growth. Of success. Of progress.

As marketing guru and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar famously said “Your input determines your outlook. Your outlook determines your output, and your output determines your future.”

YOU have the POWER to TRANSFORM. So keep looking at that rearview mirror and measure how far you’ve come along, it’s only going to drive you further along!

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About the Author: Jayashree Chenglath is the founder of Simplify Being, where she is empowering lives with simple yet profound mindset and habit shifts. Going from autopilot “doing” to purposeful, impactful “being”. She is a Board-Certified Wellness Coach, helping individuals and corporations achieve their goals and dreams  –  one step at a time.