Evil Week: How to Get Into Exclusive Parties Without an Invitation

Welcome to Evil Week, our annual dive into all the slightly sketchy hacks we’d usually refrain from recommending. Want to weasel your way into free drinks, play elaborate mind games, or, er, launder some money? We’ve got all the info you need to be successfully unsavory.

In the immortal words of Blair Waldorf, “The best parties to attend are the ones you’re not invited to.” Whether you’re trying to network and get a leg up, have a fun time, or simply post an unexpectedly stellar picture of yourself, there are plenty of reasons to try to get into events with a guest list that you’re not on. It all comes down to social engineering: The fine art of getting the results you need out of people one way or the other. Here’s how to do it.

You’ll find no judgment on gatecrashing here, but there are two major things you have to address: preparation, or making sure you do your homework before you actually go, and execution, meaning the tricks you’ll use to gain entry and work the room once you arrive. Let’s look at each one individually.

First, try to get on the guestlist

How did you find out about the party? Was it a friend who mentioned it or something you saw online? If you know a party is happening, you can usually work out who’s throwing it—and then you can just try to get on the guest list.

If someone you know got an invitation, ask them to forward it your way (with the assurance this won’t come back on them if things get weird). If it’s well organized or thrown by an event or PR company, there will usually be an RSVP email address, like PartyRSVP@EventCompany.com. Just send a brief email like, “Confirming my attendance, thanks!” and sign it with your full name. This truly and honestly works a lot of the time. Some staffer will just add your name instead of digging too deep into it. Bonus points if you put “RE: [the subject of the original invite email]” in the subject line.

Occasionally, invites will lead you to an online RSVP portal where you can just put your email address in. These assume that only recipients of the invitations will be clicking the link and adding their RSVP, so they usually just allow you to do it. Rarely, the sites will be more advanced and designed to only take RSVPs from email addresses that were on the original invite list, but even if you get stopped here, it will show you how exclusive the party is, how serious they are about the guest list, and how much work you’ll have to do to if you really want to get in.

In the event you’re way too unknown or the party is more exclusive, send a message to the original invite sender asking to be included. Don’t beg or use too many words, but say something relatable and simple like, “Hey, I found out about this and would love to come network. Can I get added to the list?” Closed mouths don’t get fed.

The real trick here is having friends who do get invited to the things you want to go to so they can send you the invites and give you a sense of the party and who’s throwing it.

Before you leave, do your homework

Whether you get yourself onto the guest list or not, you can always try just ... showing up. Talking your way in won’t always get you far (although it can) so you’ll need to do some homework before you head out.

First, learn as much as you can about the event you want to go to. When is it and how long does it run? Where will it be held? How do you get there, and how many entrances are there? Plan your approach. Try to figure out if the list is named-only or invitations included “plus-ones,” so you can determine if you’re going to claim to be on the list or the plus-one of someone you know is going to be attending.

Part of your homework should be on the dress code. If a party is really worth anything, even real invitees who are dressed incorrectly will be turned away at the door. If you aren’t sure what to do, overdress. You can give the appearance you’ve been at multiple events that evening, rather than that you don’t take this seriously.

There’s one exception to this rule, though: exclusive nightclubs. If you walk up wearing a business suit, you don’t look like a rockstar—you look like you just came from the office. As Charlie Houpert, co-founder of Kickass Academy, explains in this piece about hacking the club scene, the key here is to dress like someone who doesn’t pay to get into clubs. Dress like a rockstar, or a gangster, with a hint of formality but like you’re out for a good time. You’ll look natural, and you won’t get slapped with table fees or bar minimums because you’re in a shirt and tie—or worse, you won’t get questioned at the door because you seem out of place.

When you arrive

Try to arrive in style, either by walking up or getting dropped off by an Uber. Now comes the difficult part—getting inside like you’re a natural. You may have to talk to a bouncer or maybe a staffer with a clipboard checking names against an invite list.

Your first step is to pick the best point of entry. If there are multiple doors or gates, you may want to pick the busiest one—putting a little time and backlog pressure on the person receiving guests can work in your favor if you’re trying to convince them you’re so-and-so’s plus-one, and they’re already inside, or that you don’t even need an invitation.

Of course, it can backfire if you’re not confident enough, so bringing confidence to the table is key. You don’t want to look like you’re trying to get in, you want to look like you belong there—and if you really want to be there, enough that you’re willing to sneak in, then channel that desire into suppressing your nervousness. Act natural, and walk up like you know the place and you know what’s up.

When the bouncer or staffer asks for your name, just give it confidently like you have every expectation they’ll find it on their sheet. They will ask questions. “What are you here for?” is a common one, so make sure you know the name of the event well. “Who are you with?” is also common, so have a few names to rattle off (even if they’re fake or you don’t actually know these people) and be sure to deliver them in a familiar way, as if everyone—including this gatekeeper—knows who they are. They will, of course, check their guest list and see you’re not on it, but all you do here is act a little confused. If you saw the real invite somehow, hold up a screenshot on your phone. Ask, in a patient but semi-annoyed tone if there’s someone you can talk to. As people wait behind you, pressure will mount. If you know enough about the event and are dressed appropriately, it will seem like you do, in fact, have a reason to be there and the error is on the staff’s part.

If you get denied from the party

If you get rebuffed, press, but don’t be aggressive. There’s a huge difference between being aggressive and being assertive, and you want to come off like you’re disappointed that the person you’re talking to doesn’t understand. If you come off self-entitled, or like you deserve to be let in you’ll just turn the doorman or bouncer against you. Try to salvage the situation (after all, you may see them again if you try another time) and part with a smile.

Another solid reason to try the busy entrance first is because word will travel slower to the lighter entrances that you tried to get in than the other way around. Have a backup plan if you need to try more than once. If you have better luck or a stronger rapport at another entrance or with another doorman, let them know you ran into a little trouble with one of the others. Don’t get anyone in trouble; just let them know it was rough. A little empathy goes a long way, and you’ll earn a future ally. When you leave later, see if you can go out the way you were denied entry in. Don’t rub it in to the doorman who initially rejected you, but smile and wish them a good night. The goal is to make them doubt their decision to rebuff you, not get revenge. That way, the next time they see you, they’re more willing to talk.

If you get the feeling you’re going to have a difficult time no matter where you try to walk in, put your head up high and go for it. If you’re stopped, be courteous but curt, and explain you’re in a hurry and need to meet someone here before they leave for the evening. Attitude counts for a lot. Don’t cross the line into condescension, but arriving like someone who owns the joint, belongs there, and is there for a reason will preemptively cut off many lines of questioning and let you pass.

Final notes on party crashing

Once you’re inside, network like crazy to maximize the chances of getting friendly with someone who will text you in a few weeks, “Hey, are you going to XYZ event?” You always want to be aware of the next party and having a true invitee to flag these things for you is helpful. They can even send a message to the organizer on your behalf next time.

You should also try to meet the organizer, whether it’s a promoter or a PR person, and introduce yourself. Thank them for the great evening, but don’t spend too much time chatting, so they don’t get a moment to ask who the hell you are or why you’re there. Just let them know your name and that you’re having a nice time, so they’ll start to associate you as someone who should be there in the future.