How to Let Things Go

Shunmyo Masuno is a Japanese Zen priest and renowned garden designer. As a professor of Environmental Design at Tama University and the abbot of Kenko-ji Temple, Masuno is a uniquely qualified teacher for both arranging landscapes and Soto Zen Buddhism, believing these two disparate passions to be inextricably linked. In Ten Landscapes, Masuno writes, “The garden teaches the suchness or intrinsic value of each thing, the connectedness, harmony, tranquility, and sacredness of the everyday.” To date, Masuno has published seven works, including three books of short teachings for day-to-day problems and concerns, including: The Art of Simple Living (2009), Don’t Worry (2022), and the forthcoming title, How to Let Things Go, from which the following teachings have been selected.  

1. Let things go and your life will improve. An indispensable life skill. 

Now is the time to decide what to let go of. 

You might think that to “let things go” has negative connotations. 

To give something up halfway through, to leave something unfinished, to ignore an injustice, to neglect to follow-up… Aren’t these the kind of things that are associated with letting go? They all seem to imply a sense of irresponsibility. 

There’s definitely some truth to this. In the examples listed above, I’d have to admit that to “let things go” seems unfavorable. 

But in this world there are many things you’d be better off letting go of. Especially nowadays, when we are constantly inundated with information and when social media has made our personal relationships round-the-clock affairs, it’s impossible to respond to everything. 

This is precisely why it is all the more crucial to learn how to let things go. Really, we ought to refer to it as a survival skill.

Now more than ever, it’s imperative to be able to differentiate between what we ought to hold on to and what we ought to let go of, in order to live life to the fullest. 

19. Do not pursue those who leave. Better just to say goodbye. 

Leave encounters with others up to fate. 

A coworker leaves the company. 

A teammate whom you have bonded with through grueling practices quits the team. 

A regular drinking buddy gets transferred and moves away. 

However it may happen, the loss of a friend is painful. Your attachment can be so strong that you feel like rushing after them.

But as the Zen saying goes, “Do not pursue those who leave.” It’s best just to say goodbye rather than to prolong the pain of separation. After all, when a relationship breaks off, it’s simply the end of the bond that held you together in that particular way. Sometimes the connection can be restored, or it may turn into an on-again, off-again kind of relationship.

Just as important is the second part of the Zen saying: “Do not turn away those who come to you.” The crucial thing is how and when you meet someone, what brings you together. Human connection cannot be manipulated—it’s more like a natural twist of fate. So in that spirit, “Do not pursue those who leave nor turn away those who come to you.”

30. “Well, these things happen.” These simple words will make you feel better.

Unanticipated events make life more interesting. 

All sorts of things occur in life. You could say that life is just a series of unforeseen events. 

But after you experience something once, what was previously unexpected becomes part of your life. 

In time, you will be unfazed by it: “Well, these things happen.”

It’s often said that people mellow with age. Perhaps that’s the result of an accumulation of experiences and the ability to say, “These things happen.”

Life can be like a play with no script. All the more reason to take pleasure in improvising your role, don’t you think?

And so when the unexpected happens, just say to yourself, “These things happen.” You’ll see that these simple words will make you feel better.

49. Express yourself judiciously. That’s the way of the wise.

Being a know-it-all can be dangerous. 

It is ill-advised to speak (or post) recklessly, repeating information that you heard someone speak about only briefly or that you saw on television or that was trending on social media. 

You intervene in someone else’s problems, brandishing unverified information and spouting off about how people should do this or that. 

Or you launch into a personal theory about something you only partly understand. 

It’s best to refrain from saying and doing such things. Careless remarks are likely to confuse those around you. It’s easy for rumors and gossip to spread, kindling a fire of disinformation. 

Especially at work or with family, be careful not to speak up unless you know that the information is accurate or it’s a subject you’re well-versed in. Otherwise, you risk causing harm. 

Words are important. Express yourself judiciously. 

That’s the way of the wise. 

66. Make a small change every day. A little trick that can enrich your life.

If you feel like you’re in a rut, try this. 

You know you’re stuck in the same old rut when life seems monotonous and every day feels like a repetition of the day before. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing to pass your time peacefully and uneventfully, but when there’s hardly any change from day to day, it can get you down. Life can begin to seem mundane and tedious. 

But when you feel that way, it can be helpful to remind yourself that there’s no yesterday that’s the same as today. And there’s no today that’s the same as tomorrow. 

If you think about it, it’s not possible for every day to be exactly the same. The meals you have, your conversations with your family, the particulars of your job—there’s always something a little different from day to day. In our daily lives, we all have subtly new experiences, even though we may not be aware of it. 

And if that isn’t enough for you, I recommend that you consciously strive to do something different each day, no matter how insignificant. Soon enough this accumulation of minor changes will make today feel like today and tomorrow feel like tomorrow, and then you’ll be better equipped to live every day to the fullest. 

97. Seek your own personal mission from within. Then strive to fulfill it with your all. 

A necessity for each of the seasons of your life.

We are all born into this world with our own preordained mission.

You might think of it as your role to play in this life. 

Do you know what your mission is?

You may well be thinking, “I have no idea.”

But it’s OK not to know.

I believe it’s more important to go through life asking yourself the question “What is my mission?” than to know exactly what it is. 

As you question yourself, you will begin to recognize the role you play throughout the seasons of your life, and then work as hard as you can to fulfill it. 

The thing that you work the hardest at—what enables you to forget yourself—is the mission for which you are destined. 

♦

From How to Let Things Go by Shunmyo Masuno and translated by Allison Markin Powell, published by Penguin Life, an imprint of Penguin Publishing Group, a division of Penguin Random House, LLC. Copyright © 2021 by Shunmyo Masuno. Translation copyright © 2024 by Allison Markin Powell.