How to Make Home a Haven

Every few years, one of my kids will get a little weepy about school. “The days are sooooo long,” they’ll lament. “Why can’t I just stay home for the morning?” they might ask. Or, “When does the holiday break start?”

During these phases, I’m grateful to fall back on the advice that Jenny Rosenstrach shared a decade ago. When her daughter was struggling socially in middle school, Jenny called her own mom and reported back:

She told me what I already knew: I’d have to sit this one out, as well as the next one and the one after that and the one after that, too. It was time to let the kids figure this stuff out on their own. But in a vehement tone that I imagine she reserves for her most unruly clients (she’s a real estate attorney), Mom did give me one tangible way to help: “You just make sure that when those girls walk in that door every day,” she said, “they never doubt that home is the most comforting place for them to be. That is what you can do.”

The most comforting place for them to be. Home, often, is naturally just that. But here are a few little extra things we’ve done during tough times…

Meet them after school with a cookie.

Take a little neighborhood walk and say hi to people you know.

Or literally stop to smell the flowers.

Do impersonations of each other. This one’s ALWAYS a hit. (Here, Anton’s pretending to be me: “I’m stressed from work! Look at these funny Instagrams, honey! Why doesn’t anyone put their shoes away? This wine is organic. Kamala Harris!”)

Throw a ball at a wall (any ball, any wall).

Invite neighborhood aunties over.

Watch a favorite episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine.

Play a game (maybe Guess Who or Tenzi).

And remember when a reader named Beth presented her brilliant approach: “When my kids have a bad day, we will make nachos for dinner because today was ‘Nacho Day’… get it? There’s something about talking about your bad day over salty, cheesy goodness that helps turn things around.”

What would you add? Reading books on the sofa? Listening to the Mamma Mia soundtrack? Staying for extra bedtime cuddles? xoxo

P.S. How to help a stoic kid open up about feelings, and four stages of parenting.