The Out-of-Touch Adults’ Guide to Kid Culture: Are you a ‘Coastal Grandmother?’

This week, the young people are trying to capture the coastal grandmother lifestyle, they are explaining slang to their elders, and they are going to Coachella.

The return of Coachella

After two years of canceled events, The Coachella Valley Music and Arts Festival is back. While I did not and will not attend the festival this year (or any year) because a two-day outdoor concert is my worst nightmare, the first weekend of Coachella 2022 actually sounds like it was fun. It featured a standout performance from indie darlings Arcade Fire, Harry Styles singing a duet with Shania Twain, and, of course, The Weeknd. Megan Thee Stallion premiered a fiery diss track, and the amazing Doja Cat continued her world domination campaign. (I’m proud of myself because I’m familiar with most of these artists!) Weekend two of Coachella 2022 will features the same line-up, minus Arcade Fire.

(A special note for old people like me/you: Danny Elfman performed a set featuring a mix of Oingo Boingo hits and songs from The Simpsons. I assume the reaction from the majority of the Coachella crowd was, “Who’s that?”)

Are you a “Coastal Grandmother?”

The stylish corners of TikTok are going nuts for the trend of dressing like a “coastal grandmother.” An offshoot of the “grand millennial” style, according to @Lexnicoleta, the originator of the term, coastal grandmothers “love Nancy Meyers’ movies, coastal vibes, recipes and cooking, Ina Garten, and cozy interiors.” You don’t have to actually have grandchildren of course. “It’s for anyone and everyone,” @Lexnicoleta explains.

The hashtag has over 14 million views of videos showing examples of the style, coastal grandmother movie recommendations, and variants like “coastal chic.” I don’t want to put anyone down, but back in my day, we called coastal grandmothers “rich old white ladies” or “squares.”

The FBI asks, “How do you do, fellow kids?”

Back in 2014, website muckrock.com FOIA’ed the FBI into releasing the most hilariously clueless document your tax dollars have ever paid for: A glossary of internet acronyms that is capturing the internet’s heart this week. Anyone who has ever tried to figure out what the hell kids are talking about will relate to the FBI’s clueless, 83-page document. It contains around 2,800 examples of “shorthand and acronyms used in Twitter and other social media venues such as instant messages, Facebook and MySpace.”

I’ve seen maybe a tenth of these ever used, and I’ve been pretty online for a long time. Terms our nation’s top law officers thought were common enough online to note include “FMDIDGA,” an acronym for “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn,” IFBTYBA which we all know means “If you believe that, you’ll believe anything” and my favorite, “KTBPA,” which means “Keep the Backstreet pride alive.” Check it our yourself, it will leave you SWL! (“Screaming with laughter.”)

Speaking of slang, enjoy this slang-based cultural exchange program

Not all attempts to translate slang between generations is as clueless as the FBI’s list. Millennial Twitter user The Meanest TA, PhD and her co-workers who are all between the ages of 48 and 75 have an ongoing, generational cultural exchange program going that Meanest documents in tweets like this: “From Boss (74): ‘Can I say this meeting got lit if I mean people were getting upset?’ Me: ‘No but you can say they were salty about it.’”

It’s not a one-side exchange though. Dr. The Meanest’s co-workers teach her how to translate normal, human speech into “professional corporate.” For example, “Me: ‘How do I say this meeting is a waste of my time I am not paid enough to deal with your bullshit?’ Boss: ‘Can you provide me with a meeting agenda so I can ensure my presence adds value? I want to prioritize my schedule to support our most urgent needs.’”

Video of a woman backing into a bed goes viral

I feel bad for online advertising professionals. They devote their entire careers and tons of money to trying to make “sticky” online content that people will share, but it almost never works. Then they wake up one morning to find that the hottest viral video on TikTok is a woman accidentally bumping into her bed-frame and saying, “ah!”

@kateylorrel’s video has been viewed over 9 million times in the last few days. The video is relatable and mildly funny (if you find people getting not-seriously hurt funny) but the way she says “ah” captured the online world’s imagination. It’s such a clear and musical “ah,” people just had to record “duets” with @kateylorrel by putting the “ah” into The Bee Gees’ “Stayin’ Alive,” Nelly’s “Dilemma,” and Bruno Mars’ “When I was Your Man.”

Viral video of the week: The dark side of electric cars

If there’s one thing the Internet does consistently, it’s being contrarian. While this trend usually results in annoying and reactionary takes like “Feminists should focus on men’s rights” and “The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild is a terrible video game,” occasionally, you get gold like “The dark side of electric cars.”

This thoughtful conversation posted by YouTuber Johnny Harris strips away our “clean energy” utopian dreams to reveal the bleak reality behind them. Our battery-powered future looks a lot like the past, with a super-power (China) stripping the natural resources (cobalt) of an African nation (The Democratic Republic of the Congo) in order to control a growing market (electric car batteries). This is all accompanied by the usual horrors of child labor, environmental destruction, and economic exploitation. The only encouraging thing about this situation is that, judging from the number of views on this video, young people actually care about it. Unless they’re just being contrarian.