The Out-of-Touch Adults' Guide to Kid Culture: Who Threw a Fleshlight at Lil Nas X?
As we limp through what will surely be the hottest summer in human history (until next year), let’s take a moment to consider what the kids are up to: Learning about beertanning; #Barbiefoot; and the sausage, mustard, and cottage...
Fransebas
As we limp through what will surely be the hottest summer in human history (until next year), let’s take a moment to consider what the kids are up to: Learning about beertanning; #Barbiefoot; and the sausage, mustard, and cottage cheese diet could offer a welcome distraction from the ongoing oppressive heat-death of the planet.
Disturbing trend of the summer: Throwing things at pop stars
When it comes to youth trends, I try to celebrate instead of castigate, but this one is ugly: It’s becoming more and more common for fans to throw things at singers while they perform. In June, singer/songwriter Bebe Rexha caught a cellphone in the eye from a fan who later told police, “I was trying to see if I could hit her with the phone at the end of the show because it would be funny.” Rexha needed stitches. Drake was luckier—his “fan” only hit him in the arm with a phone, and he was fine. Ava Max was attacked by a dude who ran on stage and slapped her in the face. Harry Styles was hit with a Skittle. Country singer Kelsea Ballerini was hit in the face with a bracelet. Someone threw a Fleshlight at Lil Nas X, and while his response (“Who threw they pussy on stage?”) was hilarious, the attempted assault wasn’t.
Oh, and someone also threw their mom’s ashes at Pink.
Things have gotten bad enough that Adele is weighing in. “Have you noticed how people are, like, forgetting fucking show etiquette in America?” she asked a crowd in Vegas last night. “Dare you to throw something at me,” she added.
Some chalk the attacks up to misogyny, but the dispersal of performer attacks seems fairly even across genders to me (at least so far). There’s nothing new about it, as anyone who has ever been to a punk rock show has probably seen a performer hit with a sneaker or something—but that’s part of punk rock culture. It’s not part of “famous pop star” culture. At least, it didn’t used to be.
TikTok’s summertime dangers: Boatjumping, beertanning, rooftopping, and more
In part 4,249 of my 12,540 part series, “Never Do Anything You See on the Internet,” let’s consider some of this summer’s hottest new ways to hurt and/or kill yourself.
What is boatjumping?
Alabama authorities are blaming TikTok for four recent boating deaths. The victims were said to be following the online trend of #boatjumping. Like the name says, the craze involves jumping off a boat traveling at a high speed. My research indicates that jumping off boats has been a popular summertime activity since at least 2003, and while it can be done safely, you can hurt yourself too (in this case, the people who died broke their necks, according to authorities). So, don’t jump off boats. Actually, do jump off boats; it’s awesome. Just don’t do it in a way that anyone might get hurt or killed.
What is beertanning?
Unlike boatjumping, beertanning is never awesome. Some TikTok accounts are recommending pouring beer on your skin to get a quicker tan. It’s hard to tell if the source vids are serious, but according to dumb people like Jason Goldberg, director at SpaSeekers.com, there is “science” behind why beer can help us achieve a perfect tan. The hops in beer apparently “activates your melanin.” This is a dubious theory, but scientific debate aside, pouring beer on yourself will not protect you from sunburns, but it will attract insects, and it will make you smell like a dive bar on Tuesday morning. Dermatologists recommend high SPF sunscreen instead.
What is rooftopping?
These trends are getting worse. Rooftopping involves climbing up the walls of a building to reach the roof. Whether it’s a “trend” or not is debatable, but some risk-takers have been doing it and posting videos online. Other people have fallen to their deaths.
What is #Barbiefoot?
Thankfully, you are unlikely to die from #Barbiefoot, the TikTok trend of imitating the opening of the trailer for Barbie by standing on your toes like the iconic doll. While it is not deadly, attempting Barbiefoot is not entirely risk-free. According to Dr. Jodi R. Schoenhaus of the Foot, Ankle & Leg Vein Center in Florida, “If someone attempts the pose once or twice, they will likely be OK and produce a great TikTok video,” but if they do it for a long periods of time, it can lead to “ligament sprains and injuries, commonly seen with high heel use.” (To be a Barbie is to live a life of agony, it seems.)
What’s up with the chicken sausage, mustard, and cottage cheese diet?
Lifehacker senior health editor Beth Skwarecki covered this weird diet recently, but ICYMI:
TikToker @tiffanyymagee is blowing up for her unusual eating habits
. She says she’s lost over 80 pound through eating mainly chicken sausage, cottage cheese, mustard, and veggies. Her meal plan has struck a nerve—Magee now
has nearly a million followers. While the diet is weird, nutritionists say it’s balanced and healthy for the most part. Still, it lacks variety and would be hard to stick to, and the fact that it’s so trend-tastic screams fad diet.
“Do this one cool trick to lose weight” diets may “work,” but they’re rarely sustainable, and the entire concept of dieting is problematic. Also, chicken, raw veggies, and cottage cheese is pretty much a “diet plate” from 1976. All its missing is a can of Tab.
Viral video of the week: “IShowSpeed - Portuginies (Official Music Video) {Prod. Dj Scheme}”
“Poruginies” from game-streamer-turned-ubiquitous-online-star IShowSpeed is perplexing. The video for Speed’s song is definitely going viral, but it’s hard to understand why. It’s an unlistenable, terrible song with a generic video. And for some reason it’s about Portugal? But the commenters seem so into it, and three million people watched it in a single day. I figured I must be missing something, so I asked my son to translate. He found the video hilarious.
“It’s a joke. It’s not supposed to be taken seriously,” he explained “IShowSpeed is parodying online culture.” According to him, the comments on the video (like, “WE MAKING IT OUT OF THE FAVELA WITH THIS ONE” and “iShowSpeed is making the BEST MUSIC RIGHT NOW!”) are part of the joke. “You can tell by the number of fire emojis,” my child explained, “If there’s more than two it means, ‘I’m kidding.’”
So, from what I can gather, “Portuginies” is a deadpan version of a generic “online music video.” You and I don’t get it because we are unfamiliar with the pop culture details it’s mocking. It’s one of those post-ironic, “if you don’t get it, the joke is on you” things that I used to enjoy, back when I understood them.
