Why I Am Still in NC

Overview: Next Sunday (5/15) I will be driving up to MD; it will be my first time back since my unexpected departure on 19 Oct 2020 — 566 days ago!! That Monday morning I taught classes at my home in MD and arranged a car to take mom to the respiratory clinic. Then I packed up like a madman when I heard they had shifted her to the ER and within an hour or so left thinking I would be gone just for a few days – or two weeks at the very most, as I told my brother. Well, sometimes life has other plans. Anyway, my return to MD will be short as I aim to be back in NC on Tues (5/17). How long will I remain in NC thereafter? I really have no idea. But here are a few Q & A’s to help fill in the gaps…

Question: Why am I returning to MD next week?

Answer: Well, probably a silly question as you intuitively must know the answer. My car needs an emissions test, and I have used up all four of my 3-month extensions!! So that is the crux of the issue. I told you you would know the answer!! And since Kaiser does not serve NC, and since my trusty dentist is in MD, I have scheduled doctor and dentist visits, along with my drive-up emissions test.

Question: Why am I staying for less than 48 hours?

Answer: I have set up an expanded office here (both for teaching classes and attending to more typical office work) and a longer stay in MD would entail hauling a whole bunch more equipment which I would prefer not to do at this point. At the same time, I have only arranged coverage for mom for two days. Basically, the shorter I am gone the easier it is as less planning is needed.

Question: What is keeping me in NC going forward?

Answer: The basic idea is that mom is unable to live on her own, yet she benefits greatly from living in her home: neighborhood friends, local resources, comfort, feeling of independence, and so many other tangibles and intangibles. Removing her from this place while she still has so much going for her would be a tremendous loss in her overall quality of life. Hence, I have remained here.

The next obvious question is: Is there a way for her to remain in her home while I move back to MD? The answer undoubtedly is yes. However, it is accompanied by numerous complexities (onsite coverage, rehab and training, health evaluation, cooking, shopping, financial records & oversight, medical decisions, basic house maintenance, events coordination / social calendar, daily dealings and decision-making etc) which are automatically removed from the equation if I simply stay here. Or another way of looking at it is that she probably only needs a few hours of help each day, but needs someone around to ensure she is safe and monitor all those things I listed in the parentheses. Trying to monitor & oversee all of that offsite, i.e. from Maryland, is not at all tempting or enticing. By living here I can engage in nearly all of the things I do in my life (except for teaching onsite classes), and easily attend to her needs as well, and in a far more comprehensive manner than if I was offsite.

If and when the time comes where mom needs a lot more direct care and cannot leave the house or take care of her own personal hygiene, then that sets up a whole different scenario. But so long as she is still quite capable and engaging in life at this level, being with her in her own home has so many benefits (along with a few limitations).

Naturally, there is a lot more to the story, but that is the basic framework of what is going on. Thanks for your patience, understanding, and support….