Everyday Mindfulness + Intimacy

“Just think of it as the way you experience a kiss from your beloved.”

I was 19 years old and it was my first experience of yoga—a college P.E. class that I’d signed up for because it sounded easy.

The teacher was trying to explain the concept of presence to a group of probably 30 college kids who, like me, were there mostly because we had to be.

But this got our attention.

She said it with a wink that communicated that kiss that wasn’t exactly what she meant. But she wasn’t sure she was allowed to discuss intimacy with a group of college kids, erm, adults.

Damn, she was a great yoga teacher. I really hope she knew that.

See also 5 Mistakes (Almost) Every Yoga Teacher Makes

Mindfulness and Intimacy?

At 19, I knew little about intimacy with a beloved or anyone else. It was still this mysterious thing that was dangerous and naughty. It could end in a broken heart (at best) or a positive pregnancy test and the end of life as I knew it (at worst). And we think teenagers are so interested in the subject because of their hormones…

Anyhoo, I didn’t have a beloved. 

And yet I understood what she meant.

Mindfulness happened when you experience something so profound and meaningful that you want to take in every little part of it—the sensations in your body, the warmth on your skin, the scent in the air. You want to absorb it all and linger in the moment. You never want it to stop.

It happens in those moments of intimacy with a beloved. 

And it can also happen on your yoga mat.

This was the first time I started to realize that I could be my own beloved. 

(Go ahead. Cue the Miley Cyrus song my kids love. But know that 21 years ago this was not a mainstream concept. Miley Cyrus was only 9 years old.)

Be Your Own Beloved

You can be your own beloved, too. 

You can be mindful and present for yourself when you unroll your yoga mat or sit to meditate. And you can be mindful and present for yourself when you are intimate—with a partner or alone if you know what I mean.

(If you need ideas for how this might work, try a vibrator* from an online store like LoveHoney—I love that they have discreet packaging and plenty of quiet options so no one has to know!) *sponsored

In both scenarios, sensations in the body are the catalyst to snapping you to attention. 

And they’re both healthy and good for your body and soul.

As a mom, no matter how old your kids are, it can be cathartic to shut the door and do something that’s just for you, that brings you pleasure, and reminds you that you are so much more than the person who holds everything together. 

See also Why Every Mom Needs Yoga

You’re human. You have this amazing body that brought life into the world. You are so strong and capable and you also need to nourish yourself.

And that’s beautiful.

This is your reminder that there’s more than one way to practice mindfulness.

You can find moments of mindfulness in everyday moments, too.

And embrace with your beloved.

Those early morning cuddles with your baby or toddler.

A long walk with your dog.

Those moments when you’re “in the zone,” immersed in work that you love.

When you slow down and pay attention to a good meal.

It all counts. 

How are you practicing mindfulness and presence today?