The Easiest Way to Make Small Talk Less Painful

Have you ever frozen up after someone asks you, “What is your favorite show?” Or, “What music do you like best?” I have. It’s a simple question, but instead of the ice-breaking taste-exchange they expect, my conversational partner gets me saying, “hmmm,” while thoughtfully stroking my beard for 18 minutes as I weigh whether The Prisoner is actually my favorite show, or just some cool old thing I recently binged. (Seriously, watch The Prisoner; it’s so great.)

These kind of questions are meant as “getting to know you” conversation starters (or a means of instantly judging someone through their pop-culture consumption), but they tend to have the opposite effect, eliciting awkward silences instead of scintillating bon mots. Slightly re-wording the query, though, can encourage small talk instead of killing it in its cradle.

The power of “recently”

This conversational tip comes from Reddit user Ebuthead on the LifeProTips sub, and it’s elegant in its simplicity: Add the word “recently.” Instead of “What are your favorite podcasts?” Try “What podcasts have you been enjoying recently?” This way, no one is stuck in a mental loop of trying to pick the greatest thing ever and can focus on what they’re into now.

You could even go with “interesting” instead of “favorite.” Or try, “What shows have you been watching recently?” This dissipates the conversational pressure even further, because now you can talk about some podcast you hate or don’t understand too.

Adding “recently” to a query is old advice: The question, “Have you read any good books lately?” is a classic conversation starter from back when there were books. It was such a common question it developed a second meaning. It used to be conversational shorthand for, “I’m changing the subject because this is getting awkward.”

Broad vs. specific

Another related small talk tip: Asking specific questions is better than asking general ones. People tend to like conversational boundaries. A question like “What do you like to do?” is the kind of thing Captain Kirk would say to make a hyper-intelligent robot self-destruct. I’d be like: “What do I like to do when? What do I like to do with whom? What do I like to do in what context?” Something like, “What do you like to do on Friday night?” will likely elicit a way more interesting response than, “What do you do for fun?”

If all else fails, you can try talking about the weather. I’m not sure why, but lots of people like talking about the weather.