2 simple tactics can help you gain more influence—most people don’t try them, experts say

If you avoid small talk with coworkers or feel anxious when collaborating on projects, you likely need to strengthen your social fitness, according to workplace researchers and performance coaches Henna Pryor and Shane Hatton.

Social fitness involves your ability to communicate, problem-solve, and build relationships — all soft skills you need to stand out at work, some experts say. Practicing those skills might feel awkward, but gaining workplace influence requires strengthening your conversational muscles with regular and intentional effort, Pryor and Hatton said at a SXSW panel earlier this month.

Few people take the necessary steps to train and maintain their social muscles — the kind that can help navigate workplace conversations and conflict — but the skills aren't that difficult to build, Pryor and Hatton said.

There are two quick strategies everyone can try every day at work.

1. Regularly initiate conversations

You can create "micro-connections" simply by taking advantage of low-stakes interactions with coworkers, Pryor says. To build relationships, you can start by complimenting them, learning more about their personal interests or "conversation threading" — intentionally answering a question in a way that prompts the other person to ask follow-up questions.

Connecting with coworkers can take more effort if you work remotely, Pryor noted. If you don't see pictures of your peers' kids on their desks or overhear conversations about their favorite TV shows, you'll have to intentionally set aside time to get to know them.

Pryor's favorite method: Instead of using Slack, pick up the phone and call them for a virtual coffee chat. Once you've established a relationship, send them a voice memo.

Inside jokes shared around the office are a great way to connect, Hatton added. You can send someone a meme that relates to something that happened at work to add some levity. People who adopt a shared office language are even more likely to get promoted, Hatton's research has found.

2. Don't shy away from navigating friction

Perhaps the most convincing reason to pump up your social fitness is so that you're ready to navigate more difficult workplace conversations and conflict, Pryor and Hatton said.

Taking the opportunity to speak up for yourself when the stakes are fairly low — whether it's raising a hand to offer a different perspective in a small meeting or disagreeing with a peer while working on a project — is the most effective way to build skills, communication and relationship experts say.

Again, if you're remote, you'll have fewer opportunities to stumble into a conversation or work through a problem face-to-face. When you do start virtually working with someone new — whether they're a peer, boss or direct report — you have to overcommunicate early and often, Pryor and Hatton said.

You can always ask other people about their work and communication styles, when they feel like they're performing at their best and how they like to be recognized, the pair added.

Asking a lot of questions can make the other person "feel so seen and appreciated," Henna says. "Be ostentatiously curious."

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