Child psychologist: This common issue can hurt kids' future success, happiness—they won't just 'grow out of it'

For students, the anxiety of over-stressing about an upcoming test or project can hurt their academic performance, research shows.

When parents help their kids learn to manage that stress, sometimes referred to as "test anxiety," their results can improve — and their healthier mindset gives them a better shot at growing into successful, well-balanced adults, says clinical psychologist Tram Huynh.

Allowing kids' anxiety around tests and other potentially stressful tasks to go unchecked can "impact their self esteem, academic competence, how they select coursework, what college they're going to apply to," says Huynh, founder of the Arlington, Virginia-based Prep4mance, which offers programs to address students' anxiety and performance issues around testing. "All of that's [ultimately] impacting their mental health and their career trajectories."

Kids may begin to feel anxiety over tests as early as third grade, and up to 40% of students experience some form of test anxiety, research shows. Huynh's middle school-aged daughter already worries that any poor test grade could hurt her ability to attend a good college, Huynh says. 

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The problem typically worsens as children get older and they compete for college acceptances, says Huynh. Nearly three-quarters of students recently reported high stress levels around the college application process, according to a Princeton Review survey published March 10.

The more you internalize a view of yourself as a bad test-taker, the more "you believe that about yourself," Huynh says. "Every time you have a negative experience, it becomes worse, [and] the next time you anticipate a worse experience." Some kids "completely shut down" and freeze during tests, while others cope through avoidance, she adds — not studying, electing out of taking tough classes or skipping school on test days.

"Parents [often] think that you can grow out of it. That's not the case," says Huynh. As adults, the same anxiety issues can hinder job performance and the ability to reach career goals, some mental health experts say.

When kids learn how to manage test-related stress, "we see an increase in their academic confidence, but also self-esteem and their resilience," Huynh says.

Huynh's first recommendation for parents is to look for signs of test anxiety. Some anxiety over an upcoming exam or school project is normal, she says. Take note if your child constantly brings up concerns, and the stress seems to be affecting their mood — or if they seem disengaged from school, and shut down when you ask about a class with an upcoming test.

Second, tell your child that mild levels of stress are common, says Huynh. Performance anxiety is a sign that they want to perform well and show off what they've learned in school, she adds. She advises saying something like: "'Many students feel that way. It doesn't necessarily have to impact your performance. Let's work together to help you get ready.'"

Her third piece of advice is to refocus their energy on thoughtful preparation, as opposed to just telling them to "study harder." Kids can try acclimating to the pressure of a testing environment by replicating it in less stressful surroundings, Huynh says — with timed practice tests at home, for example. 

Huynh's fourth tip: Encourage healthy habits like sleep, exercise and nutrition, all of which promote better emotional regulation and mental focus, health experts say. You can teach your child calming techniques to relieve anxiety when it shows up during testing, like dropping their pencil and using the small break to take a deep breath, calm their nerves and reset, says Huynh.

When they return to their test, they can look for a question they can answer confidently — for a quick self-esteem boost — before returning to more challenging prompts, she adds.

Finally, after a test or project is done, help your child put their stress behind them, Huynh says. Before your child gets the results of their test, praise the effort they put in to prepare for and complete the exam, she advises. Tell them: "'You worked so hard the last six weeks. I want to celebrate that,'" she says.

If your child's stress is causing them to eat or sleep less than usual, or they seem indifferent to activities that normally bring them joy, that could be a sign that "their worries are overwhelming them" and they may need to speak with a [mental health] professional, Huynh notes.

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