How to tell if your dating standards are too high—or too low: Harvard-trained psychologist
Ask yourself, where do your standards come from, says psychologist Sabrina Romanoff.
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When it comes to what single Americans are looking for in a partner, their list of desired traits vary.
Forty-five percent of people are hesitant but open minded about dating someone who was recently laid off, for example, according to a recent survey of 1,010 U.S. adults by matchmaking company Tawkify.
For 38% of U.S. adults, someone 10 years older is a deal-breaker, according to the Pew Research Center, and 23% say someone of a different religion is one, too.
These days, "especially with dating apps, we're more primed to rule someone out than to rule them in," says New York-based psychologist Sabrina Romanoff, adding that red flags can be as simple as "their hair is too long or they had a prompt that we didn't really like."
Sometimes, instead of looking for signs of traits that could sustain compatibility and happiness, people are looking for what is "impressive on paper," she says.
But that criteria doesn't always serve you. Here's how to make sure your standards aren't too high or too low when you're looking for your person, according to Romanoff.
Ask yourself, 'whose standards are you really holding yourself to?'
With so many people in your personal life and loud voices on the internet having opinions about what matters, it can be easy to prioritize certain traits over others.
To begin with, look at your list of must-haves and ask yourself, "whose standards are you really holding yourself to?" says Romanoff. "Is it your parents? Is it your friends? And is it actually yours?" Then ask yourself what your goal in dating really is.
If what you want is a healthy, long-term relationship, when you're out with potential partners, keep in mind the following questions, says Romanoff:
Are they emotionally available? Can they take accountability? Are they curious? Are they kind?These are the kinds of traits that could lead to success, she says. Conversely, look out for red flags like someone who's inconsistent, someone who puts blame on past partners and someone who makes big promises in your first few dates.
Ultimately, when you're dating, "it's about having the right standards" to help you find the best version of a relationship, says Romanoff.
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