Get What You Want by Saying No

I just got back from a cruise to Alaska with my husband a few weeks ago. The weather was wonderful, we ate amazing food, and saw pristine, untouched land that looked like nowhere else. We saw wildlife and passed by walls of green forests with waters tainted by a three-thousand-year-old glacier. We smelled the freshest spruce air and experienced it all on and off a boat. It was unspeakably beautiful. 

Cruising is a great way to see what you want to see, and a lot of it. It also means I know where I can get food at any time, and I know where I’ll lay my head at the end of every day. These are two constants that stay with me as I navigate and explore each port stop.

The not-so-great thing about a cruise is the quantity of food and drink. I know; it sounds like I’m contradicting myself. But it’s not the availability that flummoxes me; it’s how much is available, as in, overdoing a good thing. I knew it would be trouble for me. I live a rather regimented lifestyle with my diet, yet I also knew it would be a nice change and a chance to enjoy foods I don’t normally eat.

But, as the week progressed, the amount of food I ate staggered me. I normally don’t eat much breakfast, but here I was sitting down to a fine dining breakfast because I could. I had extra drinks, extra rolls with each meal (when I normally don’t eat bread!), dessert with every dinner and sometimes every lunch. It was fun. Vacation is a time for going off the diet! But, it’s also an outrageous way to live. 

By the end of the week, I remember sitting down in pain, watching people walk by as we headed back to our starting port of Seattle. I was so full! And I realized that I would have to go back to my old diet not only because I needed to, but also for my health and to feel better. Being too full all the time was physically hurting me. 

I’m sure everyone who passed me was full, just like me, because we wanted to get our money’s worth. But was it worth it? I knew that to get back to feeling normal again, I was going to have to say no. Say no to foods that don’t work with my autoimmune disease, say no to foods to get back to my normal weight, and say no to sweets that I had so religiously avoided for years. 

I thought about that and realized it was the answer to getting everything I wanted. Say no. If I wanted to write that book, I would have to carve out time every day and say no to other things during that time. If I wanted to be in shape, I would have to say no to sitting and instead move. If I wanted to be a minimalist, I would have to say no to bringing excess into my home.

This mindset goes against a book I read about Saying Yes to Everything. An introvert started saying yes to everything (mostly social things), for a year, and doors opened for her. And that’s great! Especially when you’re used to saying no. 

I can appreciate the concept, but in the end, saying yes to everything doesn’t work for me; it doesn’t make me feel whole or healthy. I say yes to what works in my life, but I can’t say yes to every commitment, or I will burn out. 

Saying no is in the best interest of my health and well-being, especially as a minimalist. We can’t do it all without suffering the consequences. If I say yes to every social commitment, it means I’m saying no to something else. Period. There’s no way around that. Same with bad versus good food, or buying versus not buying.

So, why say no? Here are a few reasons why I have to say no to most things in my life to get a few good yesses.

I’m saying no to excess: Imagine if I said yes to everything I wanted. Every piece of clothing, every fun pair of shoes, every book, every new piece of house decor. My home would be overflowing. As it is, it’s still overflowing, and I practice minimalism. There comes a point when I have to say no, not only because I don’t need it, but to say no to the desire to consume. We’re used to this: the desire to purchase for the sake of purchasing. We can live with less. We need less than we think we need, and it starts by walking out of the store with nothing extra, closing the app, and, perhaps, not shopping online at all.

I’m saying no to bad health: Saying no to dessert, saying no to second helpings, saying no to a breakfast I don’t normally eat, these are all the things I need to do to keep myself in my best health. Nothing wrong with having a treat, but if I want to remain healthy as I age, there is no way that’s attainable by eating whatever I want, whenever I want. I will have to say no and say no a lot to foods that won’t help with this. It’s not fun to think about, but it’s the only way to good health.

I’m saying no to laziness: No one wants to be reminded that we fight against laziness, but it’s in our construct to want to do the easy thing, to take the wide gate, to go down hills, not trudge up them. I took up running again, after a few years off, and wow does it show! I’m slow, it hurts, and I have no idea if I’ll ever be as fast as I was before. So, what’s kicking me out of bed twice a week to do it? The only thing is me knowing that I have to fight against aging to stay healthy. No one else will do it for me. We atrophy what we don’t use. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, it’s up to me to keep those muscles strong.

Saying no is not fun, it’s not easy, and usually, there is little to show for all the effort… until later. But, little by little is where it’s at. It’s the slow accrual, like interest, that seems inconsequential at the time, that becomes a huge investment reaping dividends. For me? Those rewards are good health, the minimalistic lifestyle I long for, and a disciplined life.

While this cruise was spectacular, and I’m all for going off the normal diet on vacations, there is a reason I say no most of the time: it’s no to excess, it’s no to bad health, and it’s no to laziness. Fighting against my human self is something I have to do daily, and with every small choice I make. And simply by saying no to the donut and yes to the walk, or no to the pair of shoes I don’t need, that’s where I win… one step at a time.

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About the Author: Heather Spiva is a freelance writer from Northern California with a penchant for minimalism, vintage clothing, and coffee. When she’s not writing, she’s reading. Her husband and two grown sons are the loves of her life.