Change Your Words for a More Intentional Life

The folding chair felt hard the longer I sat. I tried my best to look comfortable. I was, after all, sharing the spotlight.

The women seated around me varied from close friends to new acquaintances, but all were there for one reason. To throw a blessingway for myself and another expecting mama.

Blessingways originated from the Navajo tradition as a way to send a woman with child into her final stages of pregnancy surrounded by love and support. Some women at my church had formed their own version, and, being less than two months from having our fourth baby, there I sat.

I shifted in my chair, thinking I was thankful that this party lasted just two hours instead of a two day ceremony like the Navajos.

“And now,” the host began, “It’s time for affirmations.”

What followed quickly erased any of my internal anguish about mindlessly selecting a folding chair over the offered seat on the leather sofa.

Each woman took a turn building up myself and the other mama through their words. They shared qualities they admired and how our lives had impacted theirs. 

Soon, my mind was replaying their words. Calm. Peaceful. Strong. Patient. Detached from the world.

One woman had shared, “Being around you reminds me to just take a breath and relax.” 

Many of these women I saw frequently. I had no idea they viewed me this way. But how could I—openly sharing affirmations isn’t the norm in our culture.

I recently read a quote on Becoming Minimalist’s Facebook page that said:

“Everything we say at funerals should be said at birthday parties instead. We leave so much unsaid.”

I reflected on the quote after the blessingway. I’d felt its truth the first time I read it, but, after being wrapped in affirmations, the quote resonated more deeply. 

The words of those women had power. They made me feel lighter and more able to embody the highlighted qualities. Multiple women mentioned I was patient, and back at home with my family that afternoon, I felt more equipped to live out patience. 

Your words also have power. 

Your intentional use of them can inspire others to live their best lives. By affirming others, you validate the gift they are to the world, expose their best qualities, and encourage them to better live out these qualities. 

Here are 3 areas you can experiment with the power of affirmations:

1. Spouse/Significant other

“Encourage others each and every day–nothing’s more important than our words.”  -C.J. Mahaney

Using affirmations is vital in maintaining a healthy relationship. According to relationship researcher John Gottman, the magic ratio of positive and negative interactions for a healthy relationship is 5:1. For every one negative thing said, five positive statements are needed to keep the relationship in balance. 

Affirmations allow your partner to feel appreciated, leading to a deeper satisfaction with themselves and with the relationship. (If Words of Affirmation is your partner’s love language, then your affirmations matter even more). 

Set a goal for yourself to say (or text) five authentic, intentionally uplifting things to your partner today. (It could be as simple as saying “thank you” for taking out the trash.)

How could you lift your partner up with your words today? What positive things have you thought about them that you’ve left unsaid? Here’s a list of affirmation ideas for relationships.

2. Children

“Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical children on the earth, for what they believe is what they will become.” -Unknown

As parents, we have a unique ability to speak life into our children. Our positive words soon become internalized as our childrens’ self-talk and shape the way they see themselves.

If you consistently affirm your child “You are brave,” or “You are kind,” your child will begin thinking “I am brave,” or “I am kind.” Your words soon become your child’s reality.

“When children use positive phrases about themselves, it helps shape and strengthen their own inner voice that will be with them a lifetime,” says family therapist Kelly Oriard. 

What affirmation could you tell your child today? What do you want your child to believe about him/herself? Here is a list of ideas to get started.

3. Yourself

“‘I AM’ are two of the most powerful words. For what you put after them shapes your reality.” -Unknown

We have over 50,000 self-talk thoughts a day. Over 90% are the same as the day before and research shows 80% are negative. Affirmations are a powerful way to break negative self-talk patterns and release false beliefs.

Intentionally stating affirmations to yourself is powerful. One exercise I love is writing down a false belief, crossing it out, and then writing down an affirming truth statement. Do this for 20 days and you’ll have let go of your false belief and adopted a more life-giving, truth-based belief pattern. 

(For example, if you believe you must hold a certain job to earn love, write that down, cross it out, and replace it with an affirmation like “I am enough just as I am. Nothing I do can make me more deserving of love.”)  Here is a list of affirmation ideas for yourself.

Author Steven Aitchison said, “Your words have the power to hurt, to heal, open minds, open hearts, and change the world. Never forget the responsibility you have over the words that you speak.”

Take a minute and reflect on this question: “Do I fully realize how much my words matter?”

For one week, experiment with affirmations by imagining this was your last week with whomever you see. What authentic things could you say that would be life-giving? Say them. 

Tell your child’s principal they are doing an amazing job. Tell your spouse how thankful you are that his calm presence helps you feel grounded. Tell your son how proud you are of him and why. Tell yourself you make the world a better place simply by existing in it (because you do).

Affirming others through our words takes intentionality and effort. It takes stepping outside our day-to-day norm and looking outside ourselves. 

Let’s use our words purposefully—to open minds and open hearts—leaving nothing life-giving left unsaid.

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About the Author: Julia Ubbenga is a freelance journalist whose teaching on minimalism, simplicity, and intentional living has reached thousands of people worldwide through her blog www.richinwhatmatters.com. Julia practices what she preaches in her Kansas City home with her husband, two extremely lively young daughters, one-year-old son, and newborn baby girl.